NJ Transit Strike: Get Schwifty or Get Stuck, Commuters!

Another Day Another Dimension of Disappointment

Alright Morty listen up. Seems those glorified choo choo operators over at NJ Transit decided to throw a wrench in the gears. A strike Morty! A full blown 'where's my interdimensional portal gun when I need it' strike! 350,000 people displaced! It's like a real life version of that time I accidentally turned everyone into Cronenbergs but less… Cronenberg y. And who's to blame? Well everyone Morty! That's the beauty of bureaucracy – infinite layers of incompetence!

Buses? You Mean the Poor Man's Portal Gun?

So NJ Transit's CEO Kris Kolluri – sounds like a rejected alien race from Dimension C 138 – is 'surging' buses. Surging Morty! Like a tidal wave of disappointment and missed connections. He thinks a few extra buses are gonna solve this mess? That's like trying to stop a black hole with a Hello Kitty sticker! Newsflash Kris: buses are just mobile sardine cans filled with existential dread. They can't handle the sheer volume of despair emanating from stranded New Jerseyans.

Negotiations: Where Deals Go to Die

Oh and the negotiations? Don't even get me started Morty. It's the same song and dance every time: politicians flapping their gums union reps posturing like they matter and regular folks getting screwed in the process. They're meeting today they're meeting tomorrow they're probably gonna meet next Tuesday – all while achieving absolutely nothing. Remember Morty 'Government is just a device that ensures nobody is responsible.' Applies here big time!

Pickets Protests and Pre Existing Conditions

These engineers they're out there picketing wearing their 'United We Bargain Divided We Beg' shirts. Yeah yeah united we bargain... united we're also late for work Morty! One of them Bill Craven – 25 years on the job can you imagine the existential dread? – says they haven't had a raise in six years. Six years Morty! That's like half a galactic cycle! No wonder they're pissed! Although let’s be honest being a train engineer is probably more fulfilling than watching you play Roy: A Life Well Lived. Which is not saying much.

Pay Up or Get Squanched!

The union says NJ Transit needs to pay them what they're worth like Amtrak and Long Island Railroad. Otherwise they're gonna lose all their engineers! Who's gonna drive the trains then? A bunch of squirrels? I mean I could build a portal gun and teleport everyone but that's you know theoretically possible. 'Cause let's face it folks are leaving for better paying jobs! It's attrition Morty! Like that time I accidentally started a universe where everyone aged backwards! Except this time it's not funny. It's just depressing.

The Moral of the Story? Get a Portal Gun.

So what's the takeaway Morty? The system's rigged corporations are greedy and politicians are useless. Business as usual on Earth. The only real solution? Invent a portal gun ditch this dumpster fire of a dimension and find a universe where train strikes are solved with intelligent alien discourse and free szechuan sauce! Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!