Is Trump Tanking the Oil Market? Time to Dimensionally Shift!

Wubba Lubba Dub Dub My Oil is Gone!

Alright Morty listen up. Seems like this… *burp* …orange guy Trump decided to slap some tariffs on China. And suddenly everyone's losing their minds about oil. US crude Brent blah blah blah… down down down. Honestly Morty it's like watching ants fight over a crumb of stale bread. Pointless. Absolutely pointless. I mean who cares about oil when you can invent a device that turns garbage into concentrated dark matter? Priorities people! Priorities!

Toxic Cocktail? More Like a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster!

So this 'expert,' Helima Croft is blathering about a 'toxic cocktail' of recession fears and OPEC pumping out more goo. Sounds like a Tuesday night at the Citadel Morty. Except instead of sentient cocktails it's just... *burp* ...economic doom. Honestly it's all just a bunch of interdimensional cable reruns. Seen it all before Morty. Seen it all before in universes where chairs wear hats and the sky is made of melted butter. And those universes actually made *sense*.

104% Tariffs? That's Like Really High Morty!

A hundred and four percent Morty! That's practically infinity in government numbers. And China’s all like “Fight to the end!” Classic power play Morty. Except you know instead of lasers and genetically modified squids it’s just… *burp* …paperwork and angry tweets. Honestly I’ve seen more dramatic battles over a Szechuan sauce packet. And those were *way* more meaningful.

Playing With a Pair of Twos: Sounds About Right

This Treasury dude Bessent is all smug saying China's got a losing hand. Playing with a pair of twos he says. *burp* Well welcome to the universe buddy. Everyone's playing with a pair of twos. Except for me. I'm holding like a cosmic full house. Which ironically still doesn't get you much in this dimension.

What Do *We* Lose? Sanity Probably

Okay so we export less to China than they export to us. Big whoop. The real loss here Morty is brain cells. All this economic mumbo jumbo is melting my brain faster than a Mr. Meeseeks in a philosophy seminar. We should be focusing on curing cancer exploring the infinite cosmos and perfecting interdimensional cable. Not bickering over black sludge.

Time to Get Schwifty and Dimensionally Shift!

Alright Morty lesson learned. The oil market's a mess Trump's doing Trump things and everyone's panicking. Standard Tuesday. So what are we gonna do? We're gonna ignore it Morty! We're gonna grab the portal gun jump to a dimension where oil is obsolete and invent something cool. Maybe a device that translates cat language. Or a portal to a pizza filled dimension. Anything's better than this boring economic apocalypse. Get in Morty! *burp* Get schwifty!