Apple Stock Plummets! Is Your iPhone About To Cost a Gazillion Schmeckles?!

Wubba Lubba Dub Dub Apple's in Trouble!

Alright Morty listen up. Apple's stock? More like Apple's *crock* am I right? (Burp) This whole Trump tariff China thing? It's about as predictable as a fart in zero gravity. The stock dropped nearly 5% Morty! Five! That's like… half of ten! And it's all because of these stupid tariffs. They're hitting Apple harder than a Cronenberg monster at a family reunion. This is gonna get schwifty real quick.

Price Hikes: Get Ready to Pay Through the Nose Morty!

So get this Morty. Some 'analyst,' this Cherry Ma person over at Macquarie Equity Research thinks a global price hike is 'inevitable.' Inevitable Morty! Like death and taxes and me being right! This is serious! She's saying the *iPhone 17* Morty the freaking *17* is gonna cost more. Probably because they’ll add some new gizmo nobody needs like a camera that can see into alternate realities where Jerry is actually cool... (shudders).

Ouch! Your Wallet is Screaming!

She's not just talking pennies here Morty! We're talking a 13% to 21% hike on iPhones 32% to 43% on Macs… Macs Morty! Who even buys those anymore? And even your stupid AirPods and Apple Watches are gonna jump 13% to 20%. I mean what is this some kind of galactic price gouging convention? This is worse than when I accidentally created that universe where paperclips are the dominant species!

Asia Forever! (Apparently)

And get this Morty. Apparently Apple isn't gonna just up and move its entire supply chain to the U.S. anytime soon. Nah Asia's their 'key production hub,' or so this Ma lady says. Because y'know moving a massive manufacturing operation is as easy as hopping between dimensions. It's like trying to teach a Jerry to understand quantum physics. (Sighs deeply) Good luck with that.

A Glimmer of Hope? Maybe Not!

But WAIT Morty! There's a *maybe* a *possible* sliver of hope! This Morgan Stanley guy Erik Woodring thinks Apple might just shift production to India like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic and sell more expensive models. Yeah that'll totally fix it. Just make everyone buy the fancy phone! Brilliant! It's like trying to solve world hunger by giving everyone a tiny really expensive sandwich. (Burps loudly)

The Bottom Line: You're Screwed!

So there you have it Morty. Apple's stock is tanking prices are probably going up and you're gonna have to sell a kidney to afford the new iWhatever. Just remember Morty 'Nobody exists on purpose nobody belongs anywhere everybody's gonna die.' So why bother stressing about Apple stock? Go watch some Interdimensional Cable and chill out. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!