Will Trump's Tariffs Tank Your Duff Supply!?

Freakin' Tariffs Man!

Alright folks Peter Griffin here your favorite newsman (besides Tom Tucker that guy's got a sweet 'stache). So apparently everyone's freaking out about these tariffs Trump's slapping on everything. You know tariffs! Like when Lois makes me pay extra for sneaking cookies before dinner! It's got the big shots at UBS that's a bank right or some kind of disease? all worried about a recession. Recession schmecession. Sounds like a good excuse to stay home and watch TV with a bucket of chicken am I right?

UBS Says "Hold My Beer!"

But get this this David Lefkowitz guy from UBS he's like "Nah it's cool these tariffs are gonna chill out eventually!" He thinks Trump's gonna go all 'Surprise!' and lower them which will make the stock market do the funky chicken. I don't know about you but that sounds like a solid plan to me! Maybe I should invest in stocks. Stocks! Lois hates it when I buy stocks because she says I'm just wasting money. Remember that time I invested in a sea of clams? Classic Peter!

The S&P 500 is Having a Yard Sale!

Okay so the S&P 500 which I think is some kind of government agency that delivers soup? has been doing a nosedive. It's down more than 11%! That's like when I try to do a belly flop off the diving board! Everyone's blaming these tariffs for making everything expensive. But hey maybe it's just a good excuse to eat more pizza! Remember that time I ate a whole pizza just to avoid doing chores? Good times!

Down But Not Out!

Lefkowitz thinks things will be *slightly* less terrible by the end of the year but the S&P 500 still might end up a little in the red. Red! Like my face after Lois yells at me for buying another TV! He also admits that Trump's tariff announcement caught them all by surprise and now the "economics team" thinks the economy will grow slower. Anemic! That's when your blood doesn't have any energy right? Reminds me of Brian after he tries to write a novel.

Trump Says "Be Cool!"

Trump himself is all like "BE COOL!" on social media. I mean come on that's my line when Lois catches me with Meg's credit card! He says America's gonna be "bigger and better than ever!" And then he tells everyone to BUY STUFF! Sounds like a solid plan to me. Buy stuff! That's what I do best. Remember that time I bought that blimp?

Free Booze at the Stock Exchange!?

And get this CNBC is having a party at the New York Stock Exchange! They're calling it "CNBC Pro LIVE," and they're promising "expert insights" and a "cocktail hour on the legendary trading floor!" I'm in! Free booze and stock tips? Sounds like a win win. Plus I can finally see if those CNBC guys are as handsome in person as they are on TV. Just kidding! (Mostly.)