Netflix Ditching Subscribers for Dollars! Is This the End of Binge-Watching As We Know It?!

Giggity Giggity No More Subscribers?

Alright folks gather 'round! Netflix is doing something crazy! They're ditching the whole 'how many people are watching' game. That's right no more subscriber counts! It's like when I stopped counting how many beers I drank at The Drunken Clam – suddenly life got a whole lot simpler! Apparently they wanna focus on cold hard cash – revenue you know the stuff that pays for my Quahog Cones. But hey if they’re not counting us are we even real? Maybe we’re all just a figment of Seth MacFarlane’s imagination! Giggity!

Trump's Trade War? More Like a Trade Snore!

So apparently President Trump's trade policies have sent the stock market into a tizzy! It's like when Lois tries to redecorate the house – utter chaos! But get this Netflix is doing alright. It's like that time I tried to trade my 'Family Guy' DVD collection for a lifetime supply of Pawtucket Patriot Ale and everyone laughed at me... except Netflix is actually winning! Maybe they're using one of those cheat codes that Brian always uses in video games. Clever girl!

Netflix Is Relatively Unscathed!

While everyone else is panicking Netflix is just chilling maybe binge watching their own shows. Their stock is up which is more than I can say for my ability to hold my liquor at a clam bake. Meanwhile poor chumps like Paramount Warner Bros. Discovery Disney and Comcast are selling off faster than I can eat a plate of chicken wings at the Clam! What the deuce?!

Headwinds? More Like Butt Winds!

Now the big wigs at Netflix are probably sweating about whether people will still pay for their subscriptions if they're pinching pennies. It's like when I try to convince Lois that we need a solid gold toilet – she always says we can't afford it! But Wall Street analysts are predicting earnings per share of $5.71 and revenue of $10.51 billion. That's a lot of clams even by my standards!

Ads Ads Everywhere!

Netflix has this ad supported thing going on and apparently it's a hit! More than half of the new sign ups in some countries are going for the cheaper ad filled version. It's like when they put ads in 'Family Guy' – sure it's annoying but hey it pays the bills! And they're planning to make even more ads! Oh joy! Time to hide under the covers with a beer and pretend I can't hear those commercials for erectile dysfunction pills!

Live Events? Oh Boy! This Is Worse Than the Time I...

They're getting into live events now too! Live events huh? I remember that time I tried to host a live reading of 'Moby Dick' at the Clam... It didn't end well. Let's just say there was a lot of spilled beer a confused octopus and a restraining order. Hopefully Netflix's live events will be a little less... Peter Griffin esque.