Japan's Economy Doing the Peter Griffin Flop! Is This the End?!

Giggity Giggity... Exports?

Alright so Japan's exports went up 3.9% in March. Sounds impressive right? But hold on because apparently some smarty pants economists thought it would be even higher like 4.5%. So they're basically saying Japan's economy is as disappointing as my attempts to diet. It's like when I promise Lois I'll do the dishes and then I just stare at them for an hour. Giggity.

Trump Card or Trump Fart?

Now here's where it gets interesting. Donald Trump the guy who's basically America's dad... if your dad wore a toupee and loved tweeting... he slapped some tariffs on steel and aluminum. And get this he was gonna slap even MORE tariffs on Japan like a big ol' 'reciprocal' 24% tariff! But then he was like "Nah I'll give them 90 days." So basically he's dangling the threat of tariffs like a hot dog in front of Brian. Classic Trump! And the auto tariffs of 25% are coming! Oh and he's blabbing about "big progress" in trade talks. Sounds like a distraction to me like when I try to distract Lois from my credit card bill.

Cars Steel and Mild Disappointment

So Japan ships a lot of cars to America like a LOT. They're the number one export those reliable Toyotas. And they also send us steel. So these tariffs could be a real pain in the butt like when I try to assemble IKEA furniture. Seriously who designs this stuff?! It's even worse than that time I tried to build a birdhouse with Stewie.

Deficit? More Like Defecit!

And what's this? Japan has a trade deficit? That sounds serious. Like a bad rash serious! Apparently they're importing more than they're exporting. It's like when I go to the Clam order 12 beers and then realize I only have five bucks in my pocket. Uh oh time for the Peter Griffin charm offensive! Usually involves lots of flattery and maybe a little bit of dancing...

Quagmire's Trade Advice: Giggity!

You know maybe Japan should just start exporting Quagmire. I mean who wouldn't want a horny guy who says "Giggity" all the time? Think of the possibilities! The tourism industry would explode! Okay maybe that's a terrible idea. But hey I'm just spitballing here. It's like when I come up with a brilliant plan to get rich and then it immediately backfires in my face. Remember the Petercopter?! Oh the humanity!

This Is Worse Than the Time...

This whole situation is worse than the time I accidentally became a lumberjack or when I tried to sell my own brand of grape soda or when I thought I could fly with a bunch of helium balloons. Maybe Japan should just start exporting stuff that America REALLY needs like… uh… more beer! Yeah that's the ticket! Okay I'm done. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go watch some TV. Heh heh heh.