Holy Crap! The Fed's Getting Smaller Than Peter's Brain!

What in the World is Going On?

Alright so apparently this Jerome Powell guy – sounds like a villain from a 50s sci fi flick doesn't he? – he's decided the Federal Reserve is too… fluffy. Like me after a chili cheese fry eating contest at The Drunken Clam. He wants to cut 10% of the workers. That's like a whole lotta people! I hope Mort Goldman doesn't lose his job! Who's gonna sell me my weird rash cream then?

Old People Out!

Apparently they're offering these 'deferred resignation programs' to the old folks. It’s like when you tell Herbert to go home but with paperwork. Honestly sounds like a scheme Joe Swanson would cook up. 'Hey wanna retire early? It'll be great! We'll send you to a farm upstate where you can play with all the other retirees!'

Elon Musk? More Like Elon Ugh!

And guess who's behind this whole downsizing thing? Elon Musk! That rich weirdo who builds rockets and probably eats his cereal with a fork and knife. He thinks the Fed is 'absurdly overstaffed.' Says the guy who wants to colonize Mars! I bet he wants to replace everyone with robots. Just like that time I replaced Lois with a robot wife... didn't end well. 'Freakin' Sweet!' turned into 'Freakin' Nightmare!'

The Drunken Clam Has More Staff...

The article says the Fed has almost 24,000 employees. That's a LOT of people shuffling papers and stuff. I bet half of them are just goofing off playing Minesweeper and trying to figure out how to get free coffee. You know like me at my old job at the Pawtucket Brewery before I you know burned it down. Oops!

The Department of Government Efficiency?!

And who thought up the name 'Department of Government Efficiency'? Probably some dweeb wearing suspenders and pocket protectors. Seriously that sounds about as exciting as watching paint dry. Or listening to Meg talk about boys. *shudders* 'Shut up Meg!'

Hey Lois This Calls for a Beer

So yeah the Fed is getting smaller. I guess it's a good thing? Maybe? All I know is fewer people means less paperwork which means more time for beer and chicken fights. And maybe finally figuring out why Cleveland left. Come to think of it where DID Cleveland go? Eh who cares? Giggity Giggity Goo!