Holy Crap Lois! Trump Says Apple's Gonna Build a Bazillion Factories Here!

Freakin' Sweet! No More Tariff Troubles?

Alright so here's the deal. Apparently the Donald he's been yappin' with Tim Cook the big cheese at Apple. Turns out they put a freakin' pause on those China tariffs for like 90 days! Ninety days of sweet sweet tariff free bliss! You know kinda like when Lois lets me have pizza rolls for breakfast. Pure unadulterated joy! Wall Street's doin' the happy dance and Apple investors are richer than Carter Pewterschmidt after finding a penny on the sidewalk. Giggity!

Tim Cook's Gonna Build WHAT?!

Trump's saying Tim Cook promised to 'up his numbers.' What the deuce does that even mean? Is he gonna make more iPhones that can't hold a charge? Is he going to release another product that is 2000 dollars? He even said Apple's gonna build a bunch of plants here in the U.S.! Like a whole lotta plants enough to make even Brian jealous! $500 billion worth! That's more money than I've spent on beer and that's saying something! Remember that time I tried to invest in a chocolate factory? Yeah that didn't end well. 'It seemed like a good idea at the time!'

Remember the Time... Apple Said...

Now Apple did say back in February that they'd drop half a trillion dollars to expand operations here like building AI servers in Houston. Maybe that's what Trump's talkin' about. Or maybe he just heard Joe Biden say the name of the city incorrectly. But hey if it means more jobs for the Quahog crew I'm all for it! Plus maybe I can finally get that iWatch that tells me when to change my diaper.

Wait a Minute... There's Still Tariffs?!

Hold on a second Cleveland. Before we all start breakin' out the champagne there's still some tariffy poo poo going on. I swear this is more confusing than trying to figure out why Stewie's always trying to kill Lois. Turns out there are still 30% tariffs on some Chinese imports even after this 'deal.' And Apple's got 10% tariffs in places like India and Vietnam. It's like a never ending plate of lukewarm chicken wings – disappointing!

Trump Wants iPhones Made in... Quahog?!

So the Trumpster wants Apple to make iPhones here in the good ol' U.S. of A.! That sounds about as likely as me fitting into a pair of skinny jeans. Experts are saying it's gonna cost a boatload of cash. But hey maybe if they built a factory here in Quahog I could sneak in and get a free iPhone 27! Then sell it for a dollar!

Tim Cook's Got a Plan Maybe?

Cook's been playing it cool saying they're getting stuff from Vietnam and India for now. But he doesn't know what's gonna happen after June. Sounds like he's about as clueless as I am when Lois asks me where I was last night. 'Uh... playing racquetball... with Mort... yeah... that's the ticket!'