Holy Crap Lois! Trump Just Saved My iPhone Addiction! What Happens Next?!

Freakin' Sweet News Lois!

Alright alright settle down everyone! Peter Griffin here reporting live from my recliner! So you know how that guy Trump was slapping tariffs on everything coming from China? Well apparently someone finally slipped him a martini and explained that would be dumber than Chris trying to understand astrophysics! Turns out smartphones and computers are getting a free pass! Like that time I got a free pass from paying for the damages after I crashed into that orphanage giggity.

My Precious iPhone!

This is huge! Huge like that time I tried to wear Lois's bathing suit. Can you imagine if Apple had to raise the prices on iPhones?! I’d have to sell the house! Well maybe not the house but definitely Brian. No offense buddy but you know priorities. Apple was losing BILLIONS folks! Billions! That's more than I've spent on beer in my entire life and trust me that's saying something. It means I will be able to play my mobile games with no fear of the future. Bring it on Clash of Clans!!!

China China Chicken on a Chair!

So apparently Apple makes like everything in China. Who knew?! I thought they were made in... uh... Apple Land? Turns out putting tariffs on iPhones would be like shooting yourself in the foot. Or in my case shooting myself in the foot...again...after forgetting I already shot myself in the foot the first time. Classic Peter move.

The Tech Titans Speak!

Some smart dude from Wedbush Securities (sounds like a disease doesn't it?) said this is a "game changer." You know what else is a game changer? The time I beat Death in a chicken fight! Anyway this guy says that big tech CEOs were screaming so loud that even Trump had to listen. I bet they all got together and did some serious arm wrestling! It must have been like a huge victory celebration with lots of beer. You know beer and peanuts! That is all I need in life.

Armageddon Averted!

Apparently if these tariffs went through it would have been "Armageddon" for tech. Armageddon! That's like...worse than when I had to wear that itchy sweater to church. Nobody wants that! So good job everyone! We avoided total tech pocalypse! Maybe now I can finally afford that solid gold iPhone case I've been eyeing! You know the one with the diamonds and stuff.

Giggity Giggity All Right!

So there you have it folks! The world isn't ending! At least not because of iPhone prices. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go play some mobile games and maybe chase a bus. Giggity!