Holy Crap Lois! The Stock Market's Doing What Now?! Peter Griffin's Guide to Not Losing Your Shirt (and Maybe Buying a New One)

China Trade? More Like China *Traaaade!*

Alright so apparently the US and China are playing nice now after some talks in London. Sounds fishy like when I tried to convince Lois I was a sophisticated art collector after buying that velvet Elvis painting. Turns out we need them more than they need us. Just like how I need a beer after Lois yells at me for something stupid. Giggity.

Inflation's Cooling Down? Quick Someone Get Me a Popsicle!

The consumer price index is cooler than a penguin's behind which is apparently good for the stock market. It's all numbers and stuff but basically things aren't getting as expensive as everyone thought. Which means I can buy more beer and chicken wings! Heh heh heh! Core CPI went up 2.8% instead of 2.9%. So basically I can buy one more wing sweeet.

Nvidia and French Fries er French AI...Same Thing Right?

Nvidia's shacking up with some French AI company called Mistral. They're doing some fancy AI stuff. It's like when I tried to build a robot to do my chores. Remember that Brian? Ended with the house on fire and me blaming Stewie. Anyway this could be good for Nvidia diversifying their revenue and whatnot. But who knows? Maybe it'll all blow up in their face like my attempt to make a giant pizza.

Elon Musk's Twitter Meltdown: A Tragedy in 280 Characters (or Less)

Elon Musk that space cowboy said he went 'too far' with his Trump tweets. Tesla's stock went up! I'm starting to think the world is run by crazy people. Robotaxi networking launching June 22 in Austin Musk also said. It's like that time I tried to drive my car with my feet...didn't end well. Giggity Giggity Goo!

Cisco's Back Baby! (Maybe?)

Cisco's building AI switches and people are wondering if it's like the 90s all over again. It is one of the cheapest of the AI stocks at roughly 16 times forward earnings. All I know is I'm still trying to figure out how to program the TV remote.

Disney's Roller Coaster: Will It Ever End?

Disney's price target got a boost! Maybe this is the end of the roller coaster ride for the stock? Taking full control of Hulu should boost its streaming business. All I care about is if they're bringing back 'The Cleveland Show.' That was solid gold I tell ya! And maybe some more Star Wars eh? Eh? Wink Wink nudge nudge!!