Holy Crap Lois! Stocks Are Doing the Chicken Fight!

Arista Networks: More Like Arista Nerdrage!

Alright so I'm hearin' Arista Networks the cloud computin' fellas took a bit of a tumble. Down 7%! First quarter revenue beat estimates but apparently that ain't enough to keep the stock market happy. It's like when I try to impress Lois with my 'financial genius' (usually involves lottery tickets and pyramid schemes) and she just rolls her eyes. Eh who needs 'em? I'm gonna go play 'Surfin' Bird' on repeat till I feel better!

Super Micro Computer: Super...Underwhelming?

Next up Super Micro Computer. Now I ain't no Bill Gates but even I know when numbers are bad. They missed their expectations and apparently their outlook is weaker than my resolve to avoid the Drunken Clam after a rough day. Shares slid 5%. I bet their CEO is feelin' about as good as I do after accidentally eating Brian's...never mind. Let's just say not good!

AMD: The Comeback Kid (Like When I Won That Eating Contest!)

Hold on a second! It's not all bad news. Advanced Micro Devices or AMD had a stellar quarter folks. Their stock jumped nearly 4% because their earnings report was better than predicted. This is like when I won that eating contest by shoving a whole pizza down my gullet in one go. Pure unadulterated victory! Maybe I should invest...nah I'd probably just buy more beer.

Wynn Resorts: More Like Wynn Loses Am I Right?

Speaking of losing Wynn Resorts had a rough time. Shares of the casino operator took a 2% dip. Their earnings fell short of expectations which probably means fewer free drinks for high rollers. It's like when I try to gamble and end up losing all our grocery money. 'Road House!' Seriously though maybe they should invest in a giant chicken fight arena. That would bring in some serious cash!

Electronic Arts: Victory is Mine! Mine!

Alright! Electronic Arts the video game people went up 5%. Their revenue topped Wall Street's estimates. So basically they're printin' money by gettin' kids addicted to video games. It's genius! I love it! I bet they're all doin' the 'victory' dance right now just like when I finally beat Chris at arm wrestling...after bribing him with candy. Ah good times.

Sarepta & Upstart: Ouch! Double Whammy of Suck!

And finally we got Sarepta Therapeutics and Upstart Holdings both takin' a major beatdown. Sarepta tumbled 23% because they're cutting their full year revenue guidance. Ouch! Upstart plunged 17% because their revenue guidance was only *slightly* better than expected. Double ouch! It's like when I try to do something productive like mow the lawn and end up setting the house on fire. Sometimes you just can't win folks. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go watch some TV and forget all about this stock market mumbo jumbo. 'Giggity!'