Holy Crap Lois! Some Smart Guy Says Apple's India Plan is a Big Fat Fail!

Eh heh heh... Sounds Like a Bad Idea!

Alright so get this Lois. This fancy pants analyst guy Craig Moffett – sounds like a Muppet right? – he's saying Apple's plan to move iPhone assembly to India is about as bright as me trying to understand Brian's book club. Apparently Apple thinks they can dodge those pesky tariffs by building iPhones in India. But Moffett this Kermit the Frog look alike is all like "Hold your horses Apple!"

Tariffs? More Like Terrible iffs!

Moffett is saying that even if they assemble the iPhones in India all the parts still come from China! It's like making a burger in the backyard but the beef still comes from that weird butcher down the street uh huh. He told CNBC “You have a tremendous menu of problems created by tariffs and moving to India doesn't solve all the problems. Now granted it helps to some degree,” Which basically sounds like when I tried to fix the toilet and ended up flooding the whole house.

India? More Like Indi NO!

And get this Lois! He thinks it won't be easy to just waltz into India and set up shop. He says the supply chain is still gonna be chained to China. It's like trying to escape Cleveland you always end up back there! He thinks this whole trade war thing is gonna hurt Apple in the long run. He wrote to clients 'The bottom line is a global trade war is a two front battle impacting costs and sales. Moving assembly to India might (and we emphasize might) help with the former. The latter may ultimately be the bigger issue,' which is so true.

Apple Stock? More Like Apple Sauce!

So Moffett lowered his expectations for Apple's stock. Down to $141 from $184! That's like losing all the money I won at the casino that one time! He's not saying Apple's a bad company though. He just thinks they're overvalued. It's like when I try to sell my old bowling shoes on eBay – everyone thinks they're worth less than I do! He thinks they're great but it's like they're still going to get hurt by those tariffs and people might not buy as much. D'oh!

No Help From the Phone Guys? Giggity!

And it gets worse! The phone companies aren't helping either! AT&T Verizon and T Mobile are all saying they aren't gonna pay for those tariffs. So the customer has to pay more which means people might hold onto their old phones longer. Sort of like me and my cut off jeans I'm never upgrading!

China Backlash? Bring in the Quahog!

He also says that people in China are turning against Apple because of all this tariff business. They're buying phones from other companies instead. It's like when Lois makes meatloaf for dinner and I order a pizza behind her back. So there you have it! If you want some fancy investment strategies apparently you have to go to Times Square I'd rather get a beer.