Holy Crap Lois! Arm's Stock Took a Dive! Did Someone Say 'Discount'?

Earning Reports? More Like Yawning Reports!

Alright so listen up you beautiful people! Arm the company that designs the brains of all those fancy smartphones we use to watch... uh... educational videos had a bit of a whoopsie. They released their earnings report and while they technically beat expectations for the last quarter (like I beat expectations when I 'accidentally' ate all the pizza) they predicted a future that's less 'ka ching' and more 'meh'. Apparently Wall Street is like 'Show me the money!' and Arm was all 'Hold on let me check my other pants…' Remember the time I tried to start my own tech company? Yeah this feels vaguely familiar... but with less chicken fights.

Numbers Numbers Everywhere! But Are They Good Numbers?

So the important stuff: They made $1.24 billion in revenue which sounds like a lot but apparently it wasn't enough to stop the stock from doing the Macarena... downwards. They're predicting revenue between $1 billion and $1.1 billion for the next quarter but the fancy analyst guys wanted more! It's like when Lois makes meatloaf – it's good but you always want just a little bit more ya know? And then you get the meat sweats. Ah good times.

SoftBank's Got 90%? Sounds Like a Monopoly to Me!

SoftBank the big kahuna owns like 90% of Arm. That’s a lot! It's like when I found that vending machine that only sold Pawtucket Patriot Ale – I practically owned the town! They took Arm public not too long ago and now it's worth over $130 billion. That's enough to buy a whole lotta chicken nuggets… and maybe a lifetime supply of gravy. Oh gravy…

Arm: The Architect of Your Smartphone Addiction

Apparently Arm designs the stuff that makes all our phones work. They sell licenses to companies like Qualcomm and Nvidia. So basically they're the reason you're all staring at your phones right now instead of say enjoying a good knee slap. They claim 99% of fancy smartphones use their stuff. That's almost as impressive as my ability to burp the alphabet. Almost.

Royalties Net Income and Other Words That Make My Head Hurt

Okay here's where it gets complicated. Royalty revenue went up which is good but net income went down a bit. It's like when you find a dollar on the ground but then realize you owe someone five. The numbers jumped around like Quagmire on Spring Break! Giggity!

AI is Coming? Great More Robots to Do My Chores!

And get this: apparently AI is going to be in EVERYTHING! That sounds scary… or maybe awesome! Maybe one day a robot will finally understand my jokes. Or at least bring me a beer on command. Hey Lois! When are we getting one of those robot butlers? I deserve it! Hehehehe...