Holy Crap! Japan's About to Nuke Our Wallets!

Japan's Bonds Are Acting Like My Pants After Thanksgiving Dinner: Ready to Burst!

Alright alright settle down you bunch of Stewies! So I'm reading this thing and apparently Japan's bond market is going cuckoo bananas. Their long dated yields are creeping up like Lois when she finds my credit card bill. We're talking record highs people! Last week their 40 year government bonds hit an all time high of 3.689%. That's like a lot even for me and I once ate an entire chocolate fountain! Remember that time? 'Freakin' sweet!' Hahaha! Anyway this is bad news bears for the US because...

Show Me the Money! (Or Uh Take It Away Japan)

So here's the deal. All those fancy Japanese investors might be pulling their yen out of the US faster than I can pull my hand out of a cookie jar when Lois walks in. Apparently some big shot analysts at Macquarie are saying there could be a 'trigger point.' Sounds like a Saturday night at the Clam! If Japanese yields keep climbing some other fancy pants guy named Albert Edwards says it could 'trigger a global financial market Armageddon!' Armageddon! That's serious Lois! That's like when the TV remote goes missing!

US Tech Stocks Are About to Get a Japanese Enema!

If the yen gets stronger (and apparently it is it has strengthened more than 8% since the start of the year) it's gonna hurt the appetite to invest abroad which means the U.S. tech stocks are in trouble. Those are the stocks that have seen large Japanese inflows... This is gonna be worse than the time I invested in Quagmire's 'Giggity Coin'! Giggity! 'Alright!' Seriously though this ain't good.

Carry Trade? More Like 'Carry My Butt Out of Here!'

The article goes on about this 'carry trade' thing. Apparently it's borrowing money for cheap in Japan and then buying high yield assets in the US which is kind of risky but now the Japanese are thinking of pulling their money and investing in their own stuff which could lead to a sucking sound as the money is pulled out of our financial assets! Its like the time I tried to vacuum the entire beach to find a quarter but only sucked up sand!

Ticking Time Bomb? More Like a Time Traveling Chicken!

Some guy named Michael Gayed (probably related to Herbert) says Japan looks like a 'ticking time bomb.' If confidence in their financial market craters so does everyone else's. And get this – he thinks this whole thing could be even worse than what happened last August! That's like saying my last physical was worse than the time I thought I swallowed a tapeworm (Turns out it was just a Twizzler).

Don't Panic... Yet. Maybe?

Okay okay so maybe it's not all doom and gloom. Some other smarty pants analysts think the impact might not be as bad as last year. Apparently the advantage in shorting the yen is 'less apparent.' And some other guy named Masahiko Loo (sounds like something I'd order at a Chinese restaurant) says Japan's investments in U.S. assets are solid because of the 'broader U.S. Japan strategic alliance.' So maybe we're not all gonna end up living in cardboard boxes... but maybe start practicing your cardboard box decorating skills just in case! Heh heh!