Holy Crap! Google's Getting the Ol' EU Booty Slap! (And It Ain't the Fun Kind)

Giggity Giggity Google's in a Pickle!

Alright alright settle down you horny teenagers! Peter Griffin here bringing you the REAL news. So apparently this lady named Juliane Kokott – sounds like some kind of exotic bird right? – is telling the European Union's court to basically tell Google to shove it! They're talking about some crazy fine like 4.1 BILLION Euros! That's more than I've spent on beer and chicken fights COMBINED! This is worse than the time I tried to pay for a lifetime supply of Pawtucket Patriot Ale with Monopoly money!

Android? More Like An Droid ing My Wallet!

Now here's where it gets complicated. Apparently the EU is mad at Google because of Android. They say Google's been using Android to uh... how do I put this delicately... screw over other companies by forcing phone makers to put Google apps on their phones. It's like when Lois makes me eat my vegetables – only on a GLOBAL scale! Remember that time I tried to start my own phone company? Yeah maybe these EU guys had a point…

Wait They're Fighting Over Money?!

So back in 2018 the European Commission – which sounds like a fancy name for a bunch of people who sit around and drink tea all day – slapped Google with this HUGE fine. Google being the stubborn mule that it is tried to fight it. They were all like "Android gives people more choices!" Which honestly is kinda true. I mean I can choose to watch cat videos instead of paying my bills! But this Juliane Kokott lady is basically saying "Nope Google you're guilty!"

The Lady is a Tramp (and Might Be Right?)

This Kokott lady this ain't binding (that's what she said!). Apparently the big wig judges at the European Court of Justice are probably gonna follow her advice anyway. Because you know judges. They're like Brian always thinking they're smarter than everyone else. Except instead of quoting poetry they're quoting laws and stuff. It's all very boring but it means Google might be in DEEP doo doo!

Google's Response? Crickets!

CNBC tried to get a hold of Google to ask them what they thought but they were probably too busy counting all their money to answer. Or maybe they were just hiding under their desks hoping the EU would forget about the whole thing. Hey I've done that with Lois and a few unpaid bills myself! Works like a charm... sometimes.

So What's the Bottom Line? (Besides My Pants)

Basically Google might have to cough up a TON of money because they were playing a little too rough with Android. And that means uh... well I don't really know what it means. Probably nothing good for us regular folks. But hey at least it's something to talk about at The Drunken Clam right? Quagmire will probably have some… interesting… opinions on the matter. Giggity!