Giggity Giggity...No Toys This Christmas Thanks to Trump's Trade War?!

Holy Crap! No Dolls for Christmas?!

Alright settle down you little hellions! Peter Griffin here reporting live from my recliner and let me tell you things are lookin' grim. Apparently ol' Donny T's got himself in a tiff with China and now they're saying we might not get enough dolls this Christmas! Dolls! What's a kid gonna do play with a rock? Or worse...a vegetable?! No sir not on my watch!

Freakin' Sweet: Tariffs and Tiffs

So get this: Trump's slapping these things called 'tariffs' on Chinese goods. It's like a tax see? And these tariffs are making stuff more expensive so companies are like 'Eh maybe we won't make as many toys.' And that my friends means empty shelves! Empty shelves are like a Lois without her pearls or a Brian without his martini... it just ain't right!

Shut Up Meg: Businesses are Freaking Out!

This lady Lauren Greenwood runs a company that makes storage containers. Yeah I know sounds boring but get this: she had to shut down her factory in China! She's got three months of storage container inventory left! She said 'Come August there will be some items no longer available and shelves will be bare.' Bare shelves! It's like when I open the fridge and find nothing but old mustard and a half eaten pickle. Disaster!

Giggity: China Might Talk (Maybe)

Apparently China's saying they *might* talk to the U.S. about this whole mess. But they want Trump to drop the tariffs first! It's like when I try to bargain with Lois after I spend all our money on a giant robot chicken. She's not budging until I apologize and I don't like apologizing. You know what I do like? Chicken fights!

Road House: Retailers Are Scrambling

These retailers are like 'Holy crap what do we do?!' They're trying to figure out how to deal with less stuff. And that means...wait for it... FEWER DISCOUNTS! Can you believe it? No deals on Black Friday? What's the world coming to? I need my cheap TVs damn it!

Whammy: What Does This Mean for Us?

Okay so here's the deal. If Trump and China don't kiss and make up soon we're looking at less toys fewer discounts and maybe even empty shelves. And that means Christmas is gonna be a lot less 'Ho Ho Ho' and a lot more 'Ugh I guess I'll just get you socks.' Nobody wants socks damn it! So let's hope these two can figure things out or else I'm blaming Canada!