Giggity Giggity: Trump's Trade War Turning U.S. Farmers into Chicken Fighters!

Holy Crap! Is This Really Happening?

Alright folks Peter Griffin here your friendly neighborhood newsman! And let me tell ya things are getting crazier than that time I fought a giant chicken. Apparently Trump's trade war with China is turning into a real life game of 'Who Can Screw Over Farmers the Most?' It's like that time I tried to run a farm except instead of accidentally creating a mutant tomato we're creating an economic disaster! This Treasury Secretary guy is calling it "unsustainable," which is just a fancy way of saying 'Uh oh spaghetti o's!'

Pork alypse Now!

So what's the deal? Well China's decided they're not too keen on buying our stuff anymore especially pork. Pork you guys! That's like telling Lois she can't have her chardonnay. The U.S. Department of Agriculture (those nerds!) says China canceled a whopping 12,000 tons of pork orders. That's enough to make even Chris want to go vegan...almost! And this Agriculture Transportation Coalition guy Peter Friedmann is saying it's not just a crisis; it's a 'full blown' one. I bet he's got a monocle and a top hat. Probably eats caviar for breakfast.

Freakin' Sweet! (Or Not Actually)

And it ain't just pork folks. We're talking wood pulp paperboard grass seed – you name it China's saying 'no thanks!' This one exporter is stuck with 6,400 metric tons of stuff in a warehouse and 15 railcars full of goods just sitting around racking up fees. It's like when I tried to build a treehouse for Stewie and it ended up collapsing on top of Cleveland's new car. Total disaster!

The Port of Oakland's in Deep Doo Doo!

Even the Port of Oakland is sweating bullets. This Kristi McKenney lady the Executive Director is worried that if they don't get their act together people are gonna start losing their jobs! Oakland relies on a mix of imports and exports so if China stops buying it's like Lois cutting off my beer supply. Unacceptable!

Not Cool China. Not Cool.

And get this farmers are saying they can't just sell their stuff somewhere else. It's not like switching from Pawtucket Patriot Ale to uh whatever Quagmire drinks (giggity!). This one lumber exporter is already laying off people. People are already experiencing products declined 20% in market value. It’s like when i try to sell my old junk at a yard sale!

So What Now Guys?

So there you have it folks. Another fine mess courtesy of Trump and his trade war. Farmers are hurting ports are worried and I'm just sitting here wondering where I can get a decent plate of clams. Guess we'll just have to wait and see if these trade bigwigs can pull their heads out of their you know whats and fix this mess. Otherwise we're all gonna be singing the blues...or maybe just the 'Surfin' Bird' song. Ah bird bird bird bird... Giggity!