Giggity Giggity! Trump's Tariffs and Crashing Dreamliners: Peter Griffin's Guide to Today's Top 10!

Lower Open? That's What She Said!

Alright alright alright! So the market's lookin' like it's gonna open lower than my chances of winning a wet t shirt contest. Apparently Trumpy Trumps is threatenin' tariffs again! It's like he's tryin' to make money outta thin air like when I tried to sell my farts in jars. Didn't go well trust me.

Jobless Claims? More Like Job LESS Claims!

So the producer price index is up but not as much as they thought. Kinda like when I try to diet – I mean I try but then there's a chocolate eclair starin' me down and BAM! All bets are off! Also jobless claims are up which means more people have time to watch 'Family Guy'! Giggity!

Boeing Boeing Gone!

Oh jeez! A Boeing Dreamliner crashed! That's terrible! I bet Quagmire's gotta be all over that! Giggity Giggity Goo! Seriously though people could be hurt! The stock's down... so maybe now's a good time to buy a bunch of cheap tickets? What? It's a win win!

Nuclear Power? Sounds Like a Lois Thing!

Oklo got a deal with the Department of Defense to build a nuclear reactor in Alaska. I don't know much about nuclear stuff but I bet Lois does. She's always readin' books and actin' all smart. Probably knows how to build a bomb too the smarty pants.

Oracle's Raking in the Dough and So Can I! (Probably Not)

Oracle's earnings are through the roof! Cloud services are booming! Maybe I should start a cloud service. I could call it 'Peter's Pillow Cloud'! You just pay me to store your dreams... and maybe get a little drool on 'em! It's a steal!

Slim Jims? More Like Slim Pickings!

Bank of America downgraded Conagra the Slim Jim people! They're worried about prices and stuff but here’s the thing – I CANNOT live without Slim Jims! I eat those things like Brian drinks martinis! This is an OUTRAGE! Seriously someone get me a Slim Jim!