Elon Musk's 'America PAC' Promises More Empty Than My Fridge After a Netflix Binge!

Holy Crap Lois It's Like That Time I Promised to Do the Dishes!

Alright so get this folks. Elon Musk you know the guy who's trying to send us all to Mars before my liver gives out from too much Pawtucket Patriot Ale is in some hot water. Turns out his 'America PAC,' which sounds like a rejected superhero team from a Marvel comic promised to pay people for signing a pro Trump petition. Like 'Hey sign here and get some sweet sweet cash!' It’s like when Quagmire promises dates only less creepy… maybe. But guess what? People are saying they didn't get paid! Giggity! It's like that time I promised Lois I'd do the dishes and then I 'accidentally' joined a barbershop quartet and forgot all about it. Whoops!

Three Stooges... I Mean Three Plaintiffs!

So there's this lawsuit right? Filed by some folks from Pennsylvania Nevada and Georgia. One of 'em even worked as a canvasser which I'm pretty sure is just a fancy word for 'door to door guy.' They're all saying 'Hey Musk promised us money! Where's the beef?!' Or you know the $47 or $100 whichever was the going rate for democracy ish participation at the time. Reminds me of that time I tried to start my own political party the 'New Quahog Hooligans.' It didn't go so well... mostly because everyone just wanted to know if they'd get free beer.

Musk's Money Palooza: More Like a Money Nah Za!

Apparently Musk threw around like $300 million trying to get Trump back in office. That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of chicken wings and still have enough left over for a solid gold toilet! He even offered these sweet deals like 'Sign here for the First and Second Amendments and get PAID!' It's like a pyramid scheme but with more freedom and less Tupperware. But now people are saying they got stiffed. It's like when I invested in that Nigerian prince's inheritance... twice.

Lawyers Lawsuits and Oh My!

This law firm Lichten & Liss Riordan sounds like a team of super powered lawyers straight outta 'The Avengers' except their superpower is paperwork. They're saying there are 'more than 100 Class Members' who are owed 'more than $5,000,000.' That's a lot of clams! And they're saying it’s a 'broken promise' because people 'believed in Elon.' I believed in the Tooth Fairy once too and all I got was a quarter and a cavity! This is worse than the time I tried to sue the brewery for making the beer too delicious!

Million Dollar Lottery: Was It Rigged Like My Last Bowling Game?

And get this: Musk was offering a MILLION DOLLARS A DAY to voters in swing states who signed up! A million bucks! I could buy so many mystery boxes! Some lawmakers are even saying this whole thing might be illegal. Illegal! It’s like when I tried to open a casino in my basement and Brian ratted me out to the cops. Ruined my Friday night!

DOGE Days Are Over... Or Are They?

Oh and after Trump 'won,' Musk was supposed to be in charge of making the government smaller. Which knowing him probably means replacing all the employees with robots that only know how to say 'Buy Tesla!' Anyway they didn't respond to requests for comments which I gotta say is pretty lame. I mean at least tell me to 'shut up Meg' or something. Sheesh!