China's Economy Just Did WHAT?! You Won't Believe This Deflation Drama!

Holy Crap Lois China's Deflating!

Alright so get this Lois. China's economy is doing that thing where prices are going DOWN not up! It's like when I find a dollar on the street but instead of a dollar it's… the entire Chinese economy. They're saying consumer prices fell 0.1% in March. Last time I saw a drop that big it was when I tried to do a cannonball into the kiddie pool. Giggity!

Producer Prices? More Like Producer...Problems!

And get this the guys who MAKE stuff are having an even worse time! Producer prices are down 2.5%! That's like a quarter of the whole pie Lois! Remember that time I tried to bake a pie and ended up setting the kitchen on fire? Well China's economy is kinda like that pie right now. Only with more tariffs and less deliciousness.

Trump's Tariff Tantrum!

So Trump that guy with the hair that looks like a golden retriever threw up on his head decided to slap China with a massive 125% tariff! That's more than I charge Quagmire for babysitting Stewie… which by the way is still too much. China retaliated with their own 84% tariff. It's like a big ol' game of economic chicken! Who's gonna swerve first?! Not me I'm too busy thinking about what kind of beer to pair with my TV dinner.

Yuan Gone Wild!

The Chinese money the yuan is doing the funky chicken and weakening to 7.35 against the dollar. That's like when I try to do yoga with Quagmire. It's just… awkward and nobody wants to watch. On the other hand the Chinese stock market CSI 300 was up 0.82%. Its like the little guy is giving the middle finger to the world saying 'I'm here and I'm relevant!'

China's Got a Plan...Maybe?

Apparently some important Chinese dude named Li Qiang wants to boost consumption. Which is a fancy way of saying they want people to buy more stuff. They even set a target of "around 5%" growth! That's ambitious! Its like when I tried to build a treehouse with Brian only without the beer and the pointless arguments about structural integrity. Remember? 'Brian that branch will hold my weight!'

Subsidies Galore! Free Stuff?!

To get people buying stuff China's giving out subsidies for things like smartphones and home appliances. They're doubling the amount to 300 billion yuan! That's a lot of clams! It's like when Lois lets me go to the grocery store alone and I come back with nothing but beer and a giant inflatable dinosaur. Ah good times.