Excellent! The Economy's Miserable Trajectory Towards Utter Ruin... For Others!

Bah! Numbers are Down?!

Blast this infernal rain of data! It appears the... *economy*... is showing signs of weakness. Retail sales those pathetic attempts by the masses to feel joy through *things* have declined! A 0.9% slippage the fools! Smithers remind me to short the retail sector first thing in the morning. And did you see housing starts? Pathetic! 1.265 million? We used to bury that many gold bars every Tuesday back in my day! Back when men were men and we didn't need all these 'economic indicators'.

Homes? Who Needs 'Em?

These 'building permits' are as useless as a screen door on a submarine. 1.393 million? Preposterous! Why I could build that many mansions for my loyal hounds and still have time to foreclose on the local orphanage! But fear not my loyal reader (likely Smithers) for as long as housing starts are 'greater than 1.20 million' we won't descend into a *recession*. I'm not sure I like the sound of that sounds like something the Irish might do!

The S&P 500: Child's Play!

The S&P 500 is dancing near its all time highs is it? A mere 2.7% away? Hmm tempting. Perhaps I shall buy up a controlling interest just to drive it into the ground out of spite! "Release the hounds," I say to the market! Let's see how those 'all time highs' hold up against my carefully orchestrated scheme for financial dominance! The last thing I want is a global trade scare. That's for poor people.

Fading Boosts? Poppycock!

This economist Nora Szentivanyi speaks of a 'fading boost' to activity. Fiddlesticks! The only thing fading is my patience! These tariffs... they're supposed to make *me* richer not cause 'delayed and drawn out' price increases for the hoi polloi! Smithers find me this Szentivanyi woman. I want her... uh... *inspired* to see things my way. We will brain her. No we'll braze her. We will BRAISE HER!

Tariffs? I'll Take Twenty!

More tariffs you say? Excellent! Let them eat cake... or whatever the modern equivalent of cake is. I'm sure they can afford it. If not they can always eat dust! I will continue to exploit the labor of those who are unfortunate enough to be born to common parents.

The Fed? Utter Buffoons!

The Federal Reserve and their 'monetary policy decisions'? A bunch of bumbling idiots! They couldn't manage a lemonade stand let alone the global economy. I bet they're all in cahoots with those darn unions to ruin me! Smithers remind me to look into bribing... I mean *lobbying* them. A 'Summary of Economic Projections?' More like a 'Summary of Excuses for Incompetence!'