Excellent! Smithers, Release the Hounds... Of Unemployment! Amazon Trims the Fat!

A Modest Proposal (For Savings)

Bah! Amazon you say? Laying off a paltry *one hundred* employees? That's hardly a rounding error! Why at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant we trim the workforce with the frequency of a sneeze. 'Are you quite sure sir?' Smithers would whimper. Of course I'm sure! Fewer mouths to feed means more profits for *me*! It's elementary my dear Smithers. Elementary!

Alexa Fire These People!

This 'Alexa' contraption... I've tried to make it fetch me a brandy and light my cigars but it just spouts back nonsense. Clearly these positions were redundant. Good riddance I say! They probably couldn't even operate a simple switchboard. Worthless drones all of them.

Robotaxis for the Masses (Or Just Me)

Zoox you say? Robotaxis? Hmm intriguing. Perhaps I could replace my chauffeur with one of these contraptions. Cheaper certainly. And if it crashes? Well fewer witnesses to my... *ahem*... eccentric driving habits. 'Release the hounds!' indeed for the competition!

Trimming the Corporate Fat (And My Taxes)

This CEO Andy Jassy seems to have the right idea. Cost cutting is the backbone of any successful enterprise. Though 27,000 employees seems a bit excessive he needs to learn to cut more strategically. After all it's not enough to just fire people you have to make them *suffer* while you do it. Perhaps a few weeks in the cooling towers would be a suitable severance package.

Layers of Management? More Like Layers of Laziness!

Fewer managers? Excellent! Managers are just glorified paper pushers. Give me a good obedient worker who knows how to polish my head and adjust my orthopedic shoes and I'm a happy man. Less talk more productivity that's what I always say. And if they complain? A swift trip to the unemployment line!

A Silver Lining (For Burns Industries)

So Amazon sheds a few tears and trims a few positions. Big deal! It just means there's more talent available for *my* enterprises. Now Smithers start drafting some job postings. We need a new lab assistant someone who isn't afraid of a little radiation poisoning. And make sure they sign a waiver. Excellent!