Excellent! Meta's Data Fortress Rises in Louisiana, Courtesy of Burns Energy!

Release the Hounds...of Construction!

Bah! Another news story? Well at least this one involves money – my money potentially. As Montgomery Burns purveyor of fine nuclear energy (and occasional purveyor of slightly less than fine nuclear incidents) I must say I was intrigued to hear about this 'Meta' company building a gigantic… what did they call it? A 'data center'? Sounds like a fancy way to say 'power guzzling behemoth.' And where are they building this monstrosity? Louisiana! Right in my backyard practically. Hundreds of construction workers heavy equipment… it's like watching ants build a hill only these ants are lining my pockets. Excellent!

A State Rethinking Itself? Poppycock!

This Secretary Bourgeois woman seems positively giddy. 'Rethinking Louisiana,' she says. As if the state needed rethinking. It just needs a good old fashioned dose of Burnsian economics! Meta's $10 billion investment? Chump change! I've misplaced more than that on a single round of golf. Still it's a start. Facebook Instagram WhatsApp… all these infernal contraptions require energy. And who provides energy? Burns Energy naturally! Smithers remind me to buy stock in this 'Meta' company then slowly drain them of their resources. Yes like a leech… a very profitable leech.

Land Grab? More Like a Land Grab for Opportunity!

1,700 football fields? Preposterous! What a waste of perfectly good space for my personal putting green. This Meta requires a lot of land for their data processing all the better for me. The Louisiana state they have the land that Meta requires energy they need Entergy the local supplier which presents an opportunity for Burns Energy to possibly make an acquisition of this company. They need land? Fine let them have it! But every watt of electricity they consume? That's coming from yours truly. Cha ching!

Tax Breaks? Highway Robbery...Or Is It?

A 20 year sales tax exemption? Outrageous! That's money that could be lining my pockets! But wait… if Meta saves money on taxes they have more money to spend on… energy! Ah the sweet symphony of corporate synergy! This Governor Landry fellow he's alright. A bit too eager perhaps but he understands the value of a good deal. And a good deal for Meta is a good deal for Burns Energy. Smithers make a note: send Governor Landry a fruit basket… laced with sleeping pills. Just in case.

Gridlock and Greenbacks

A citizens group worried about the power grid? Ha! Let them worry. The only thing I worry about is where to store all my money. This 'Alliance for Affordable Energy' sounds like a bunch of tree hugging rabble rousers. Louisiana's power grid isn't reliable? Well that's just an opportunity for Burns Energy to swoop in and save the day… for a reasonable fee of course. Smithers find out who's heading that alliance. I may need to… 'persuade' them to see things my way. A simple 'release the hounds' should suffice.

Transformational? More Like Transactional!

500 jobs? A pittance! I employ more scabs than that just to polish my monocle. Still Bourgeois has a point. This Meta thing could open the floodgates. More companies more data centers more… clients for Burns Energy! Excellent! Louisiana prepare to be electrified… by my profits! Smithers cancel my afternoon appointment with the soul extraction machine. I have a state to conquer!