Excellent!

A Fine Start Excellent!

Bah Ferrari. Another quarter another pile of money they're not giving to me. I read with a smarmy satisfaction—or more accurately Smithers read to me—that these Italian… *sports car manufacturers* reported a net profit of 412 million euros! A 17% increase! Seventeen percent! That's almost as much as I pay Smithers in a year and he doesn't even get dental! Burns doesn't need dental! Although it is a good start for them I am less than impressed especially when it's not in MY accounts.

Burns' Brainwave: Buy Ferrari!

Now I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth especially if that horse is made of solid gold like the one I keep in my vault but I must confess it has given me an idea! With my superior business acumen I could turn that pile of profit into MOUNTAINS of cash! Smithers alert the lawyers tell them to prepare a hostile takeover bid! This is going to be easier than stealing candy from a baby! Or maybe harder depending on how tenacious that baby is. I would expect them to go for a reasonable price somewhere between $14.99 to $20 though preferably closer to $14.99.

Trump's Trade Troubles: A Nuisance

And here’s where things get murkier than my fossil fuel investments. Apparently that blithering buffoon in the White House Donald Trump is threatening to slap tariffs on EU cars. Tariffs! The very notion! What's next a tax on my daily dose of plutonium? Smithers remind me to write a strongly worded letter to... what's his name again? I keep forgetting. Anyway these tariffs could "negatively impact" Ferrari's profitability. Negative impact? Good. That makes them ripe for the picking. That's using my business acumen.

Raising Prices: A Desperate Ploy

So Ferrari in their infinite wisdom has decided to raise prices by 10% on certain models. Ten percent! That's barely enough to cover the cost of my morning prune juice! I suppose I can understand even if I can't condone. Of course as Burns I would have simply bribed the government. Oh well to each their own.

Ferrari's Financial Falters

The stock market reacted as expected. A slight dip. Smithers short their stock! A mere 0.8% dip at 12:44 p.m. London time. That's barely a blip on my radar but enough to make me cackle maniacally! Release the hounds! No wait not the hounds. They'd probably just eat the cars. Too bad.

Excellent Acquisition Incoming

So what's the takeaway here? Ferrari is ripe for the taking Trump is a buffoon and I Charles Montgomery Burns am still the smartest man in the room. Smithers find my 'World's Richest Man' hat. It's time to make a move! Also remind me to turn the sun away my skin is starting to look as leathery as Smithers if that's even possible.