Toss a Coin to Your Investor: Geralt's Take on Today's Market Mayhem

A Witcher's Morning Brew: Jobless Claims and Consumer Woes

Hmph investors and their morning rituals. Seems they're fretting over the usual: Israel Iran and some bloke named Powell blathering about the U.S. consumer. As if a Witcher knows anything about coin. More interested in monster contracts myself. But even I can see when the ale is watered down. Jobless claims are 'basically in line,' they say. Right. And drowners are 'basically' friendly. I need a drink.

Houses and Hollow Promises

Housing starts missing expectations? Color me surprised. Another sign of 'subdued activity,' they say. Bah. Just like promises made in taverns after a few too many pints. All talk no timber. This economy I swear is more complicated than a striga's curse.

Meta's Mad Dash for 'Superintelligence'

Meta eh? Sounds like some concoction a mage would brew up. Offering bonuses up to $100 million to poach talent? They should try offering that to Witchers. I'd slay a griffin for half that. Maybe. Though I still would not use Facebook. Too many bots and drowners for my taste!

Oracle's Prophecy: AI is Alive!

Oracle getting a price target hike? Sounds like someone finally paid their dues to the right seer. 'AI trade is alive and well,' they claim. More like a golem that's been given a new set of instructions. Let's just hope it doesn't start asking for a soul anytime soon.

Honeywell's Flight of Fancy

Honeywell? Never heard of 'em. Sounds like some kind of fancy mead. But hey at least some analysts think they've 'turned the corner.' Hopefully they've got a silver sword handy just in case that corner leads to a grave hag's lair.

Banks and Buffers: More Gold for the Already Rich

Regulators reducing capital buffer requirements for banks? So the rich get richer and the monsters still roam free. Where's the justice in that? I swear this world needs more Witchers and fewer bankers.