Starbucks Brews Up AI Assistant: A Witcher's Skeptical Sip

A Witcher Orders a Coffee and a Dose of Reality

Heard about Starbucks brewing up some fancy AI assistant calling it 'Green Dot Assist'. Sounds like something out of Vilgefortz's lab only instead of conjuring fireballs it's supposed to whip up lattes faster. They're testing it in 35 locations this month aiming for a full rollout by fiscal 2026. As if I needed another reason to stick to my White Gull. But then again less time waiting for a drink more time for monster hunting eh? Time is money as Dijkstra always says. Well I guess Starbucks thinks so too.

Slaying the Sluggish Sales One Algorithm at a Time

Apparently Starbucks is trying to revive their 'sluggish' sales. Sluggish? Sounds like a drowners' pace to me. CEO Brian Niccol wants to cut service times down to four minutes. Four minutes? I've drawn my sword faster than that. This AI thing is supposed to answer barista questions quicker than they can say 'Vesemir taught me everything I know'. Let's hope it's more accurate than a bard's tale. Don't want any accidental basilisk poison in my coffee.

Tech in Service of Partners... Or Another Griffin on the Payroll?

Starbucks CTO Deb Hall Lefevre says this AI is meant to 'simplify operations' and 'make their jobs a little easier'. Hmmm sounds like the usual corporate blather to me. But if it actually works and frees up the baristas to say learn a bit of Witcher Signs then I'm all for it. Maybe they can even learn to brew a potion or two just in case I run out of Swallow on the road.

From Iced Espresso to Equipment Errors: Can AI Handle the Grind?

This 'Green Dot Assist' will supposedly answer questions on everything from making drinks to fixing equipment. A tablet behind the counter spouting coffee wisdom. Imagine that. I've seen less ridiculous things in the Northern Kingdoms but not many. And verbally asking queries? Gods let's hope it doesn't misunderstand and start brewing me a concoction based on my grunts.

Automated IT Tickets and Substitute Suggestions: A Sign of the Times

The next step? Automatic IT tickets and substitute barista suggestions. Sounds like they're trying to replace half the staff with a blinking screen. I've seen golems with more personality. Still if it means fewer 'Oops we're out of almond milk' moments I won't complain too loudly. As long as the coffee still tastes like coffee and not recycled unicorn tears.

The Hallucinations of AI: More Trouble Than It's Worth?

They say AI can sometimes 'hallucinate' and give wrong answers. Great. Just what I need: an AI telling me silver is useless against werewolves. Lefevre claims their partnership with Microsoft includes something to ensure accuracy. Let's hope so. Last thing I need is a coffee brewed with nightshade because the AI thought I said 'nettle'. Roach would never forgive me.