Geralt's Guide to Gold: Taxes, Trade Wars, and the Witcher's Winnings

Gold's Gleam and the Taxman's Grasp

Hmph gold prices are up you say? Seems like everyone's scrambling for a piece of the shiny stuff thinking it'll keep 'em safe when the world goes to rot. But here's a lesson from a Witcher: there's always a catch. This time it's the blasted IRS. They're calling gold – and those fancy gold ETFs – 'collectibles.' Like my collection of monster trophies? Means a hefty tax bill. And they say monsters are the real villains. Ha!

Twenty Eight Percent? By the Eternal Fire!

Twenty eight percent tax on long term capital gains for collectibles? That's highway robbery even by Nilfgaardian standards! Stocks get off easier but gold? Nope. The taxman sees it as some fancy artwork or rare comic book. Last I checked drowners don't care about comic books. Though I did once find a griffin reading a rather… provocative novel. Never mind. Point is prepare to cough up more coin than you'd think.

ETF Troubles: Not All That Glitters...

So you thought you were clever hiding your gold in ETFs like SPDR Gold Shares or iShares Gold Trust eh? The IRS is sharper than a silver sword. They're onto you. And Emily Doak from Schwab Center says it's all the same as owning the metal itself. Damn. Next you'll tell me they're taxing Gwent cards too. A man can only take so much. But only ETFs structured as trusts are affected so maybe there is some hope after all.

Trump's Tariffs and the Golden Goose

A trade war fueled by tariffs. Now that's a proper mess. Makes the Wild Hunt look like a Sunday picnic. Investors are running to gold like peasants fleeing a leshen. But beware more gold more problems. Remember I am often running from angry mobs due to my low prices if you're buying protection from monsters you also may need to buy protection from thieves and taxes

Income Brackets and the Taxman's Maze

Ah the joys of income tax. A labyrinth more confusing than the Cat School's training grounds. Depending on your earnings you'll pay a different rate on your long term capital gains. But with collectibles it's capped at 28%. So even if you're wallowing in coin like a Temerian king the taxman will still take his cut. It's enough to make a Witcher long for the good old days of simple monster slaying.

Short Term Pain Long Term...Pain?

Hold your gold for less than a year? Then you're in for another treat. Short term capital gains are taxed at your ordinary income rate – which could be even higher. And don't forget those extra taxes they throw in like the 3.8% net investment income tax. Makes you wonder if a life of monster slaying is really so bad after all. At least drowners don't send tax bills.