Amazon Promises Faster Deliveries to Rural Hovel Dwellers - Geralt of Rivia Investigates

Another Witcher Contract?

Well damn. Looks like I'm swapping monster hunting for... package tracking? Amazon's throwing around four billion crowns... err dollars by 2026 to bring faster deliveries to the sticks. Seems everyone out in the boonies are tired of waiting for their potions... or more likely overpriced trinkets. They say they'll be adding over 200 delivery stations. Tripling their network they claim. Should cut delivery times in half. Half you say? Sounds like Roach on a downhill sprint... maybe.

The Devil's in the Delivery

Udit Madan – sounds like a sorcerer's apprentice – says Amazon's stepping up while others are backing away. 'Making lives easier and better,' he proclaims. Sounds like a marketing spell to me. I've seen what 'easier and better' means for peasants. Usually ends with pitchforks and burning windmills. They're claiming 170 jobs per site. Good for them. Maybe fewer folk will try to rob me on the road. A witcher can hope can't he?

Tariffs and Tantrums

Apparently Amazon almost showed people how much tariffs cost. Like blaming a ghoul for eating corpses. White House got its breeches in a twist. Amazon backed down faster than a drowners retreats from Yrden. Politics. Makes even dealing with a Noonwraith seem straightforward.

The Need for Speed

Two day delivery used to be the bee's knees. Now they're shooting for one day or even *hours*. Building warehouses like Temerian soldiers preparing for war. In 2022 they made claims to pass UPS and FedEx which is quite the feat. All to avoid me getting a contract for late delivery...which they can be sure would not be cheap.

UPS's Downward Spiral

UPS is chopping 20,000 jobs partly because they're losing Amazon's business faster than a griffin loses altitude after a crossbow bolt to the wing. Their loss I suppose. Though I did hear the beer is on them at the next Kaer Morhen reunion.

Mom and Pop Deliveries? Hmm...

They're even roping in mom and pop shops to deliver packages. Like giving a butter knife to a Witcher. Desperate times I reckon. Wonder if they'll accept orens as payment... doubt it. But I do wonder if these locals know they will be contracted as cheap as possible and worked to the bone. Sounds like a real witcher contract.