23andGONE: From Witcher's Brew to Bankruptcy Stew!

Toss a Coin to Your Buyer Oh Valley of Plenty!

Well damn. Looks like another one bites the dust. 23andMe the company that promised to reveal your ancestral secrets with a mere spit is throwing in the towel. Regeneron a name that sounds like a particularly nasty breed of griffin is swooping in to buy up the remains for a paltry $256 million. Remember when everyone and their grandma was spitting into those little tubes hoping to find out they were secretly royalty or at least related to someone interesting? Now it seems they were just lining someone else's pockets. Funny how that works ain't it? Sometimes the only monsters are the ones you don't see coming. Or as Dijkstra would say 'Politics Geralt is just a game of who screws whom the hardest.'

From Hero to Zero: A Witcher's Tale of Market Woes

Apparently examining your genetic profile wasn't quite the gold mine they thought it would be. Who knew? After a brief stint in the sun fueled by promises of self discovery and a merger with some alphabet soup company (SPAC whatever that is) 23andMe couldn't quite turn that initial buzz into actual coin. Seems like the market's a fickle mistress more unpredictable than a noonwraith after a long night. They're delisting from the Nasdaq which to my ears sounds like a particularly painful curse. So it seems it is true that sometimes you don't realize what you have until it's gone.

Voluntary… Or Involuntary? The Truth is Out There (Probably)

The official story is that 23andMe is *voluntarily* removing itself from the Nasdaq. Sure and I'm *voluntarily* facing down a Leshen every other Tuesday. Truth is the exchange was already threatening to kick them out so they figured they'd jump before they were pushed. As the saying goes 'Sometimes the lesser evil is still evil.'

The Rise and Fall: Faster Than a Doppler Effect on a Redanian Warship

At its peak this spit and tell company was worth a staggering $6 billion. Now? Well let's just say a good contract on a Royal Wyvern would fetch you more. Shows you how quickly fortunes can change faster than Dandelion can write a ballad about my latest monster hunt that is mostly fabricated! I guess even the best alchemy can't turn lead into gold forever.

Chapter 11: The Witcher's Guide to Financial Ruin (Avoid This)

Bankruptcy. A word that strikes fear into the heart of any businessman… or witcher for that matter. Imagine: no more Roach just hoofing it everywhere. No more Gwent cards just staring at the ceiling. No more fine dwarven steel just… a rusty butter knife. Thank the gods I get paid by killing monsters not by selling spit.

Regeneron's Gambit: Is This Alchemy or Necromancy?

So Regeneron's stepping in hoping to resurrect this failed enterprise. Are they alchemists hoping to transmute failure into success? Or are they just necromancers raising the dead for their own twisted purposes? Only time will tell. This deal's still got to get past some fancy court in Missouri a place I hear is almost as chaotic as Novigrad on payday. All I know is I'll stick to hunting monsters. At least they're honest about wanting to kill me.