Warren Buffett's Retiring? Hail to the King, Baby! Duke Nukem's Guide to Getting Rich (Without Selling Out)

Buffett's Outta Here Time to Party?

Alright listen up you primitive screwheads! The Oracle of Omaha Warren Buffett is hanging up his CEO boots at Berkshire Hathaway. Says he's gonna stay on as chairman probably to keep an eye on his mountains of cash. After turning some ragtag textile company into a trillion dollar empire I guess the guy deserves a break. But let's be real can anyone fill those shoes? Probably not but I bet I could fill his wallet! Time to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and I'm all outta gum!

Friends Bosses and Babes: Picking Your Posse

So the old man was yappin' about 'pivotal lessons' and who you hang around with. He's right to a point. Surround yourself with winners not whiners. But don't get all starry eyed. As he said "Don't expect that you'll make every decision right on that." In the corporate jungle you need allies people who've got your back especially when you're knee deep in alien scum... I mean corporate bureaucracy. Just remember trust is a luxury not a given. And never underestimate the power of a good looking babe on your arm for uhh... moral support.

Money Money Money: Follow Your Gut (and Your Guns)

Buffett warns about chasing the big bucks right off the bat. Says you'll pick up bad habits. He's preachin' about finding a job you actually LIKE. Imagine that. He is also quoted as saying "Don't worry too much about starting salaries and be very careful who you work for because you will take on the habits of the people around you," he said at the shareholder meeting. "There are certain jobs you shouldn't take." But let's be clear if you ain't motivated by the green what are you even doing? But follow your passions he says and find smart people to learn from. I've always followed my passions which mostly involve blowing things up and rescuing hot chicks but hey to each their own.

Don't Be a Lemming: Spotting the BS

Here's the golden rule from Buffett: "If very stupid things are happening around you you do not want to participate." Preach! If the company's built on a house of cards get out before it collapses. Don't get sucked into the quick buck schemes or the crypto craze (which let's be honest is kinda like fighting aliens – unpredictable and potentially explosive). Stick to what you know and don't be afraid to tell the suits to shove it when they're peddling snake oil. As I always say "My way... or the highway!"

The Long Game: HODL (Hold On for Dear Life)

Buffett's all about the long term. "If you aren't willing to own a stock for 10 years don't even think about owning it for 10 minutes," he apparently said in his 1996 letter to shareholders. Buy good stuff hold it tight and ignore the panic merchants. It's like choosing your weapon: you wouldn't go into battle with a peashooter would you? Pick quality stick with it and watch the profits roll in. "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum...and I'm all outta gum."

CNBC's Got Something To Sell You (Naturally)

Of course at the end they gotta shill some course on how to change your career. Fine whatever. But remember the best career move you can make is learning to be your own boss. "Rest and relaxation are very important... to the people paying you."