Trump's Tariff Tango Sends Bond Yields on a Wild Ride! Hail to the King, Baby!

Tariff ic News or a Load of Bullsh*t?

Alright ladies and gents Duke Nukem here reporting live from the front lines of Wall Street! This week has been crazier than a stripper with a grenade! Trump bless his orange tinged heart decided to play tariff tango with the world slapping duties on everyone from here to Zimbabwe. 'Hail to the king baby!' But before you could say 'shake it baby,' the market went into full on panic mode. These tariffs are like a kick to the groin of global trade and everyone's feeling the pain.

Trump Saves the Day? Maybe…

Just when we thought the world was about to end Trump pulls a rabbit out of his… well you know. He announced a 90 day tariff timeout giving the markets a 'Trump put,' whatever the hell that means. Stocks went wild rallying like a bunch of horny teenagers at prom. Even I was impressed. But let's not get ahead of ourselves folks. This ain't over till the fat lady sings and she's probably still warming up her vocal cords.

Yields Do the Twist!

So what does all this mean for those fancy pants bond yields? Well they're doing the twist baby! After initially freaking out and heading south they're bouncing back like a rubber chicken. The 2 year Treasury yield is down the 30 year is cooling off and even that moody 10 year is taking a chill pill. Trump claims he's been 'watching' the bond market. Yeah right. Probably while playing golf and tweeting insults.

Recession? Don't Even Say the 'R' Word!

Here's the deal: if these tariffs stick around we could be looking at higher prices higher borrowing costs and a good ol' fashioned recession. Nobody wants that especially not me! I've got alien scum to frag and babes to rescue. I don't have time for economic meltdowns! 'Come get some!' But even I can't kill a global recession.

Europe's Got the Bond Blues (and Greens)

Across the pond Europe's having its own bond party. German yields were all over the place thanks to everyone running to safe havens like scared schoolgirls. The UK is sweating bullets over its financial future. Their 30 year bonds went nuts spiking higher than my kill count after a night out. But hey at least they got a temporary reprieve thanks to Trump's tariff time out. 'Groovy!'.

Asia Keeps Its Cool (Mostly)

Over in Asia things are a bit more stable. Japan and Australia saw their yields tick up as investors dove headfirst into stocks. The Asian fixed income team at Nikko Asset Management says they're sitting pretty thanks to chill central banks and mild inflation. Plus they've got enough cash to defend their currencies if things get hairy. Smart move guys. 'I'm gonna live forever!'