Trump to Bond Market: Hail to the King, Baby!

Shake It Baby! Trump's Tariff Tango

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Apparently The Donald slapped some potential tariffs on the world and the markets threw a hissy fit faster than I can reload my shotgun. But did he care? Hell no! Trump said he wasn't sweating the bond market getting the 'yips.' Classic. It's like saying I'm not worried when an alien pig cop is breathing down my neck. Please! I live for this stuff.

I Ain't Afraid of No Recession!

So Trump drops this 'Liberation Day' announcement promising across the board tariffs like some kind of economic Rambo. Inflation fears recession whispers... the whole shebang! The markets went crazier than a stripper at my bachelor party. Yields jumped higher than I can jump with my jetpack! But Trump's just standing there cool as a cucumber saying it's all good. "Come get some!" as I always say.

90 Days to... Negotiate? Yeah Right!

He gives the world a 90 day stay of execution on these tariffs supposedly to 'negotiate.' Negotiate my ass! It's more like a 90 day grace period to see if they can figure out how to kiss the ring. Trump claims it has nothing to do with the market freakout. Sure and I'm a natural blonde. But hey whatever keeps the babes happy right?

Numbers Numbers Who's Got the Numbers?

Trump says he's waiting for 'the numbers that I want to come up with.' Sounds legit. Probably got some interns crunching digits in the back room while he's golfing. Said he's been talking to countries on the phone doesn't even want them to come in. Maybe they smell as bad as those aliens yeesh!

Yields: The Comeback Kid!

The yields have chilled out a bit since then but let's be real this whole thing is a rollercoaster. One minute the market's higher than my ego the next it's lower than a snake's belly. But who cares? As long as there are babes bullets and beer the Duke's happy! Time to kill!

50% Tariffs? Total Victory Baby!

And get this Trump says even with 50% tariffs a year from now he'd call it a 'total victory.' Looks like the world better get ready for some serious deal making or they're gonna be singing the blues. But hey at least it'll give me something to watch while I'm blowing alien scum to kingdom come. I'm all about action!