Microsoft's EU Escape: They Owe Me a Beer!

Hail to the King Baby! (And Microsoft Too I Guess)

Alright ladies and gentlemen Duke Nukem here reporting live from the front lines of… well corporate bureaucracy. Apparently Microsoft was about to get a serious beatdown from the EU for bundling their Teams app with Office. Sounds like someone was about to get their ass kicked and frankly I was ready to watch. But hold your horses people because they've weaseled their way out of it. Nobody steals our chicks... or money!

Slackin' Off: Someone's Crying Into Their Beer

This whole shebang started because Slack owned by Salesforce started crying to the EU regulators over the Teams bundling. Boo hoo! Competition is a bitch ain't it? Seems like they thought they could just whine their way to victory. Well guess what? Microsoft is still standing and Slack's probably back at the office doing... whatever it is they do. My money is on wasting time.

Microsoft Plays Nice (Kinda)

So Microsoft in a move that I'm sure was totally voluntary and not at all because they were staring down the barrel of a massive fine decided to offer the EU a deal. They're gonna widen the price gap between Office with Teams and Office without Teams. Basically they're saying "Hey look we're giving you a choice! Now leave us alone!" Smart move Micro softies. This is how it is done.

The EU's Next Move: Waiting Game

The European Commission is gonna ask Microsoft's rivals and customers what they think of this offer. Translation: they're gonna stir the pot and see if anyone throws a hissy fit. Me? I'm just here for the explosions... and the babes of course. I live to kick ass but I also like to take it easy when I get the chance and I would be damned if I passed up the chance to see what some of these EU regulators think.

Fine Avoided: They Lived!

The bottom line is Microsoft probably just dodged a bullet the size of Texas. No hefty antitrust fine for them. They get to keep bundling and the EU gets to pretend they're doing something important. Everyone wins... except maybe Slack. Tough luck snowflakes. I'm still not convinced they actually know what they're doing.

Duke's Takeaway: Stay Frosty!

So what's the lesson here folks? Don't mess with the big boys unless you're ready to bring the boom. And if you are make sure you've got a better weapon than a complaint to the EU. As for Microsoft they better watch their backs. Duke's always watching. And I'm always ready to kick ass. Now if you excuse me I'm going to go see a man about a new pair of shades. Duke Nukem... signing off!