Lowe's Plays It Cool: Duke Nukem's Take on Their Latest Numbers!

Hail to the King Baby... and Lowe's CEO!

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Duke Nukem here dropping some knowledge bombs about Lowe's. Their CEO Marvin Ellison is saying they're still on track despite some "near term uncertainty." Sounds like a load of crap to me but hey at least they're not aliens trying to steal our babes. They are expecting total sales to be between $83.5 billion and $84.5 billion this year so they're still making bank alright. I'd take that action anytime!

Show Me the Money!

So here's the deal: Lowe's made $2.92 per share beating Wall Street's pansy expectations of $2.88. Revenue? Almost hit the mark at $20.93 billion just a hair short of the predicted $20.94 billion. I've seen bigger numbers on my ammo bill after a night out. But hey close enough for government work. They can stick that in their pipe and smoke it!

Shake It Baby! (Or You Know Sell Stuff)

Net income took a bit of a dive down to $1.64 billion. Even Duke Nukem feels that one. Comparable sales also dropped by 1.7%. But don't get your diapers in a twist! They blamed the weather. Who needs a good excuse when you can blame Mother Nature right? And get this online sales and sales to home professionals are up. Apparently even pros need a little Lowe's love.

Groovy!

Basically Lowe's is playing it cool acting like nothing's wrong. They're sticking to their story and who am I to argue? After all I'm just a guy who likes kicking alien ass and saving the world. But I know bull when I smell it and this smells a little fishy. Still better than alien guts right?

Come Get Some!

So what's the takeaway here? Lowe's is still Lowe's and they're gonna keep slinging hammers and nails. Will they make their numbers? Who knows! But I wouldn't bet against them. They're like me – they always find a way to come out on top. Now if you'll excuse me I've got some bubblegum to chew and some ass to kick.

I'm Back Baby!

This just in: Lowe's is claiming that their investments in stores tech and customer service are helping them weather the storm. Okay fine. But if I walk in there and don't get immediate service someone's gonna pay. And I don't mean with money. Remember I'm Duke Nukem and I'm all about getting what I want when I want it. And right now I want some freakin' plywood!