Lowe's Plays It Cool: Duke Nukem's Take on Home Improvement Hype!

Hail to the Chief... Executive!

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Lowe's yeah the place where you buy stuff to fix your crib just dropped their quarterly sales report. Seems like they didn't quite nail Wall Street's wet dream but CEO Marvin Ellison is playing it cool saying their investments in stores and tech are keeping them afloat. 'Near term uncertainty'? 'Housing market headwinds'? Sounds like a Monday morning to me. Time to reload and see what's what.

Show Me the Money!

Lowe's is still betting big forecasting total sales to be somewhere between $83.5 billion and $84.5 billion for the year. That's some serious green even by my standards. They’re expecting comparable sales to be flat or maybe even climb 1%. Earnings per share? Aiming for $12.15 to $12.40. Not bad but let's see if they can deliver the goods. I've seen bigger numbers on my ammo bills after a really bad alien infestation.

Numbers Numbers Everywhere!

For the fiscal first quarter they pulled in $2.92 per share against an expected $2.88. Not bad kid. Revenue hit $20.93 billion just shy of the $20.94 billion the suits were drooling over. Close but no cigar. But hey in my line of work a miss is as good as a mile... sometimes a whole damn city block. "Hmmm that's one doomed building"

A Slight Dip in the Pool

Net income took a bit of a dive landing at $1.64 billion compared to $1.76 billion from last year. Comparable sales also took a 1.7% hit. Gotta watch those margins boys and girls. That's the difference between a party at the Nukem Dome and eating ramen in a fallout shelter. Comparable sales were down 1.7% year over year but that's just the weather being a pain in the ass. Ain't that right?

The Web and the Pros Save the Day!

But hold on to your hats! Online sales and sales to home professionals are on the upswing. Looks like someone's been surfing the web for deals and calling in the big guns to get the job done. Smart move. "My kind of people!"

Duke's Verdict: Time to Kick Ass!

So Lowe's is playing it cool sticking to their guns and hoping for the best. I like that. Me? I’m gonna go grab a six pack and watch some pig cops fry. Lowe's you keep those shelves stocked because when the aliens come back I'm gonna need a whole lotta duct tape and maybe a new chainsaw. It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I'm all outta gum looks like I'll be headed to Lowe's pretty soon