Hail to the King, Baby! Trade War Could Leave Store Shelves Barer Than My One-Liners!

Groovy a Trade War!

Alright ladies and gentlemen Duke Nukem here reporting live from the front lines of... the economy? Yeah even I gotta deal with this crap now. Turns out these pencil pushing CEOs are crying about a trade war with China leading to empty store shelves. Empty shelves? That's almost as bad as running out of bubblegum! Apparently these guys went cryin' to Trump. But when does this become a problem? Let's get to the nitty gritty. Time to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I'm all outta bubblegum!

Apparel Apocalypse Now?

So the experts are saying that apparel and footwear are gonna be the first to get the boot... or rather *not* get the boot. China's been supplying a huge chunk of our threads and these new tariffs are like an import ban. Some guy named Steve Lamar is whining about tariff rates exceeding 160%! These numbers are higher than my kill count. He says companies didn't have enough time to shift sourcing. Well maybe they shoulda been quicker on the draw like yours truly. 'They will translate soon into product shortages as orders are canceled or goods are held in warehouses until a trade deal can be worked out,' Lamar said. Now THAT'S what I call a shortage!

Walmart IKEA and Target Orders Take a Hit

Seems like Walmart IKEA and Target are already feeling the pinch. Orders from China are taking a nosedive faster than a pig copter. Declining Chinese freight ships are visiting the U.S. Let's hope this tariff situation doesn't last long or we'll be bartering for socks and underwear. You think a hero's gotta be bothered by this supply chain crap?! Oh the humanity!

Negotiations? What Negotiations?

A Chinese government minister (probably a commie alien in disguise) said there are "absolutely no negotiations on the economy and trade between China and the U.S." Well that's just great. If these tariffs keep sky high you can kiss your cheap Chinese goods goodbye. The U.S. will be competing with the rest of the world for manufacturing capacity. And you know what happens when there's competition... Duke Nukem wins!

Low Margin Goods Disappearing Faster Than A Stripper After Closing Time

The fancy pants experts at ShipBob say the lower end stores will be the first to feel the pain. So if you're shopping at the dollar store for your date you might be outta luck! Toys games budget home goods and of course apparel are the canaries in this economic coal mine. So if your kid's Christmas list is longer than my list of alien kills start preparing now! Oh yeah I'm the straw that stirs the drink.

Brace Yourselves! Winter is Coming For the Economy

This Jonathan Gold dude from the National Retail Federation says you should be ready for less inventory fewer choices and higher prices. Especially at the small shops. Sounds like a real party right? He says this will become noticeable as shipments with higher tariffs arrive. 'The uncertainty around the tariffs is challenging for businesses especially for small businesses that are currently preparing for critical winter holiday orders,' he said. Well buck up buttercup. Duke's gotta deal with aliens all the time. Now let's get back to blowing stuff up!