Hail to the King, Baby! Qifu Tech is Ready to Kick Bubblegum and Chew Ass(ets)!

JPMorgan? More Like JP MORGASM!

Alright ladies and gentle dudes Duke's in the house! And I'm here to tell you about something that's gonna make your wallets thicker than my biceps: Qifu Technology. Some pencil pushers at JPMorgan – and you know Duke loves big guns – are saying this Chinese online lending platform is the real deal. They're practically drooling over it slapping an "overweight" rating on the stock and predicting it'll jump over 51%. Sounds like a party to me!

Show Me the Money!

This ain't no back alley loan shark boys and girls. According to JPMorgan's main babe Katherine Lei Qifu's return on equity is gonna be higher than my kill count. We're talking a 9% climb from 2024 to 2027 and their earnings are set to explode at a 24% annual rate. That's faster than I can reload my shotgun! And they say I'm fast.

Volatility? More Like OPPORTUNITY!

Lei also pointed out that even with all the chaos in the world – and trust me I know chaos – Qifu has been growing their loan business. From 2020 to 2024 they saw an 84% jump in customers with credit lines. "Qifu has shown stable new loan growth and EPS growth vs peers during the macro volatility since 2020 demonstrating its operating prudency." That's what the lady said. Sounds like they're not afraid of a little action – just like yours truly.

Cash is King and Qifu is Wearing the Crown!

These guys are sitting on a mountain of cash a freakin' Everest of dough. As of the first quarter of 2025 their cash hoard is like 37% of their equity. That's enough to make even me blush... almost. This means they can buy back their own stock and hand out dividends like candy on Halloween. And Qifu's management is promising to reduce the share count. This is going to be fun.

Buybacks and Dividends? That's What I'm Talking About!

Qifu's management is committed to reducing share count by 30% from 2023 26 according to Lei. I estimate that cash dividends and share buybacks will amount to RMB 5.9bn/12.7bn from 2025 27 equating to 82% of 1Q25 equity or 43% of the current market cap. Sounds like it is time for some extra bubblegum and cigars!

Analysts Love It…and So Will You!

The word on the street – or you know from LSEG data – is that everyone who covers Qifu is telling you to BUY BUY BUY! All 12 analysts have a buy or strong buy rating. If that isn't reassuring I don't know what is. The average price target is also signalling upside of more than 25%. So what are you waiting for? Time to invest in Qifu Technology and remember what Duke always says: "Come get some!"