Hail to the King Baby! Novartis Drops $23 Billion on US Expansion to Dodge Trump's Tariff Train Wreck!?

Damn I'm Lookin' Good: Novartis Goes Big in the USA

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Duke's here with the lowdown on Novartis those Swiss cheese eatin' drug pushers. They're dropping a cool $23 billion to build and expand facilities right here in the good ol' U.S. of A. Apparently someone's afraid of Trump's new tariff plans. Smart move fellas. Nobody messes with the Duke... or the Donald it seems. Time to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and apparently make some serious meds!

Shake It Baby! New Plants and a Shiny R&D Site

Six new manufacturing plants a new R&D center in San Diego – this is gonna be bigger than me after Thanksgiving dinner! Some of these factories are gonna be pumpin' out raw pharmaceutical ingredients which means more jobs for American workers. You know the kind of jobs that don't involve getting your ass kicked by aliens. Though I’m always available for a consulting gig… for the right price.

What Are You Waiting For? Job Opportunities Galore!

We're talkin' over 1,000 skilled jobs for engineers and scientists plus another 3,000 support staff and construction gigs. That's a whole lotta people gettin' paid. Maybe I should apply. Nah I'm too busy savin' the world. But if you're lookin' for work now's your chance. Just try not to blow anything up. Leave the explosions to the experts. Like me.

Groovy! Dodging Tariffs Like a Pro

Novartis CEO Vas Narasimhan says they can handle the tariffs but building these plants in the US is a strategic move. They want to make all the drugs they sell to us right here. Kinda makes sense right? Keep the money flowin' stateside. Keeps my pockets lined too... indirectly of course.

Come Get Some! A US First Strategy

Novartis wants to be a top five player in the US pharmaceutical market. Good luck with that. But hey at least they're investing in our economy. Over the next five years they're planning to pump almost $50 billion into US operations. That's a lot of dough even for me! 'I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum...and I'm all outta gum.'

Nobody Steals Our Chickens! Trump Flexes His Muscles

Trump's been on these drug companies like a xenomorph on a facehugger. He wants 'em to move production to the US. And guess what? It seems to be working. Eli Lilly and Johnson & Johnson are also investing big time. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go find some aliens to shoot. And maybe a few babes to... uh... *negotiate* with. Duke Nukem signing off!