Hail to the King, Baby! More Dough Means More Retirement (Duh!)

Groovy News for High Rollers!

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Duke's here to drop some wisdom bombs on ya. Turns out that hard earned cash you're raking in actually helps when it comes to retirement. Vanguard some fancy pants company says folks pulling in the big bucks ($100k $149k) have nearly DOUBLE the 401(k) stash of those scraping by on $50k $75k. No freakin' duh! As I always say 'Come get some!'... retirement savings!

Median? Average? More Like 'Rest in Pieces'!

They're throwing around words like 'median' and 'average.' Sounds like alien gibberish to me! But the gist is this: some folks are rolling in the dough skewing the numbers. I like to keep it real. The median – the middle ground – is a better indicator of who's really living the dream (or not). And remember this is just Vanguard's data. You might have stacks of cash hidden elsewhere. Maybe even a few nuclear launch codes… just kidding! (Mostly.)

Saving Early and Often: Duke's Guide to Not Dying Broke

Despite the world going to hell in a handbasket – high prices recession fears you name it – some of you are actually thinking ahead. Good on ya! Vanguard's guy David Stinnett says people are saving earlier and more consistently. Even I Duke Nukem am impressed! 'Nobody steals our freedom!'... or our retirement!

Auto Enrollment: Like a Free Upgrade to First Class!

Here's a tip straight from the King himself: auto enrollment is your friend. If your company shoves you into a retirement plan automatically you're golden. Vanguard says those auto enrolled chumps with 10+ years on the job have 60% more in their accounts than those who had to sign up manually. Talk about a no brainer! It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum.... and save for retirement (I'm all outta gum).

Employers Stepping Up: About Time!

Stinnett gives props to employers making it easier to save. Well it's about damn time! The easier it is the more we save and the less we have to rely on social security am I right? Though something tells me the aliens will be back before I'm ready to retire.

House Hunting? Duke Says: 'Shake It Baby!'

CNBC's trying to sell you a course on buying a house. Fine whatever. But remember true freedom isn't about owning a McMansion; it's about kicking ass and taking names! But if you really want to buy a house make sure you save enough money and don't come crying to Duke if you fail. I'm too busy saving the world (and my retirement fund).