Hail to the King, Baby! Market Shrugs Off Iran Smackdown!

Come Get Some! Uncle Sam Cleans House (A Little)

Alright ladies and gentlemen Duke Nukem here reporting live from the front lines... of the stock market! Seems like Uncle Sam decided to play pest control in Iran hitting some 'nuclear sites,' whatever those are. Probably just giant bug nests waiting to hatch. Boom! But here's the kicker: the market's barely blinked. Apparently some egghead named Jeremy Siegel – probably never fragged a single alien in his life – says everyone thinks Iran's 'farther away from producing a bomb.' Good. Less competition for my kind of explosions.

Groovy! No Biggie Says Wall Street

So Trumpy boy fresh off the links I suppose is out there puffing his chest about 'obliterating' stuff threatening more 'military action'. Sounds like my kind of party! But even with all that the stock futures are like 'Meh.' Siegel's saying it's a wash. 'Positives and potential negatives both up.' Sounds like a math problem for nerds. All I know is if someone messes with me they’re gonna pay.

Why Don't You Come Over Here!

Now the suits are sweating about Iran doing something stupid like messing with our troops or blocking the Strait of Hormuz. Translation: Gas prices might go up and *I* might have to pay more to fuel my ride. Nobody touches my ride and lives. But these Wall Street types are hoping Iran will chill out to avoid getting their whole regime blasted back to the Stone Age.

Damn I'm Good!

Siegel bless his pointy little head even thinks the stock market might hit a new high soon. 'Assuming no big action by Iran… new all time highs.' Sounds like he's hedging his bets more than I hedge my… well you get the picture. Point is even with potential nukes and explosions the market’s acting like it’s just another Tuesday. Maybe it’s because they know the King is always watching.

Shake It Baby! Market's Still Got the Moves

The S&P 500 is up about 1% this month and it's only 3% below its all time high. Not bad not bad at all. Makes you wonder if these guys know something we don't. Like maybe I'm about to buy all the stock in the world. Nah just kidding... mostly.

I'm Here to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum... and I'm All Out of Bubblegum

So there you have it. The market shrugged Trump flexed and Iran probably muttered something about vengeance. Me? I’m gonna kick back crack open a cold one and watch the fireworks. After all somebody's gotta keep an eye on things. Stay frosty folks! Duke Nukem… out!