Facebook Scared Stiff! Did Zuckerberg Just Buy His Way Out of Trouble?

Hail to the King Baby! Meta in the Crosshairs

Alright ladies and gentlemen Duke Nukem here reporting live from the front lines of corporate carnage! Seems like that FTC broad Lina Khan is coming after Meta like a shotgun wedding! She's saying Facebook got all sweaty palmed when Instagram and WhatsApp started blowing up. Apparently Zuck and his crew got scared and decided to 'buy or bury' the competition. Reminds me of how I deal with aliens – except I prefer blowing them to bits!

Buy or Bury? More Like Buy or DIE!

Khan's claiming Facebook was running a 'buy or bury' scheme. If they couldn't beat 'em they just bought 'em out or cut 'em off. Classic bully move right? Now Meta's facing trial and the FTC's trying to make them cough up Instagram and WhatsApp. Sounds like someone's gonna get a serious case of 'this is gonna hurt'!

Zuckerberg's Million Dollar Trump Card?

Here's where it gets interesting. Turns out Zuck tossed a cool million at Trump's inauguration. Co hosted a ball and had a bunch of pow wows with the big guy. Now I'm no conspiracy theorist... but I've seen enough alien conspiracies to know that something smells fishy! Khan's just glad that Meta's attempts to make the case disappear like a stripper in a blackout haven't worked. Time to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and I'm all outta gum.

No Expiration Date on Bad Deals

Khan's not backing down. She's saying there's no statute of limitations on illegal deals. This ain't a one night stand folks! She thinks the whole social networking game is messed up because Facebook was allowed to gobble up everyone else. 'Come get some!' says the FTC. And Meta's probably thinking 'Groovy'.

Free and Fair Trade? More Like Free and Fair Fight!

This whole thing is about 'free and fair trade,' according to Khan. But let's be real it's about a mega corp trying to play dirty and getting called out on it. Will they settle? Maybe. But until the trial's over we're all just waiting to see if Meta gets nuked from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

I'm Here to Kick Ass and Report the News!

So there you have it folks! Facebook in the hot seat the FTC breathing down their necks and the possibility of a major shake up in the social media world. Stay tuned because this is one story that's gonna be bigger than my ego! Duke Nukem... out!