ASML's Chip Sales TANKING Thanks to TRUMP's Trade War?! Come Get Some!

ASML's Balls Shrink!

What is this I'm hearing? ASML the big boys in chip making machines are whining about lower orders? Net bookings at a measly 3.94 billion euros? Looks like someone needs a kick in the nads! I expected more from the company that prints money like blowing up alien scum! Analysts predicted 4.89 billion euros but noooo they had to screw the pooch. Time to reload and find out who's messing with my transistors. 'Hail to the king baby!'

Trump's Tariff Tango: A Real Pain in the Asteroid!

Trump and his trade tariffs are messing with everyone's heads. First smartphones and semiconductors get a 'temporary' pass then BAM! No exceptions! What is this? Some kind of intergalactic poker game? This uncertainty is enough to make me spill my beer. These tariffs are 'creating a new uncertainty' says ASML CEO Christophe Fouquet. Well duh! You think? 'I'm gonna rip off your head and shit down your neck.'

Nvidia's $5.5 Billion Boo Boo!

Hold on to your rocket launchers folks! Nvidia's taking a $5.5 billion hit because of these dumb U.S. restrictions on exports to China. That's like losing a whole planet's worth of strippers! All this because some pencil pushing bureaucrat thinks it's protecting 'national security.' Looks like they're gonna be singing the blues when I show up. 'It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and I'm all outta gum.'

ASML's CEO Whining Like a Puppy!

The CEO Christophe Fouquet says demand remains 'strong' thanks to AI but warns about uncertainties. Sounds like someone needs a stiff drink and a dose of reality. Predicting 30 to 35 billion euros in revenue for 2025? That's a wide margin buddy! Sounds like you're hedging your bets harder than I hedge against alien invasions. 'My kind of town I get down!'

Analysts Shitting Their Pants!

Ben Barringer from Quilter Cheviot says the tariffs could have 'widespread' impacts. No freakin' kidding Sherlock! You need a crystal ball to figure that out? He's acting like it's too early to tell. I say grab your shotgun and start blasting! It's always a good time for kicking ass when there's uncertainty! 'Groovy.'

Duke's Solution? Kick Ass and Take Names!

The whole chip industry is getting jittery because of these trade shenanigans. But let me tell you something: when the going gets tough the tough get going. And when ASML needs a hero I'll be there. I'll grab my boomstick fly over to Washington and tell those politicians to 'Come get some!' It's time to bring back the swagger and remind everyone who's boss. 'Nobody steals our freedom I'm gonna give it back!'