Social Security About to Hit the Fan?! We're All Gonna Be Living in Cardboard Boxes!

2033: The Year of the Great Retirement Apocalypse?!

Alright alright alright gather 'round you beautiful baldies and balding beauties! Asmongold here ready to drop some truth bombs harder than a Mythic raid boss. So Social Security that thing we've all been paying into since we were knee high to a Locust? Well it's apparently about to hit the fan! The trust fund that magical money bin that's supposed to keep us afloat when we're old and wrinkly is projected to be DEPLETED by 2033. I'm not kidding! 2033! That's like what nine years away? We're closer to retirement oblivion than we are to another Diablo Immortal release! This is some serious BS man.

77%? More Like 77 Shades of F**ked!

Now the report says that even when the trust fund runs dry they'll still be able to pay out 77% of the promised benefits. SEVENTY SEVEN PERCENT! You know what 77% is? That's the percentage of my viewers who are probably wearing the same stained T shirt they've had on for three days straight. It's not enough! I need 100% to fund my daily caffeine addiction and keep my chair from collapsing completely! Seriously though that's a massive cut. People are relying on this man! We need that money for rent food and most importantly video games!

Congress Do Something! (Please?)

So what's the solution? According to all these fancy talking heads Congress needs to "act." Act? ACT?! Are you kidding me? That's like telling a toddler with a loaded diaper to "be responsible." It ain't gonna happen! They'll probably just argue about it until we're all living in cardboard boxes fighting over scraps of expired ramen. But hey maybe they'll surprise us. Maybe they'll actually do something useful for once. But don't hold your breath chat. Don't hold your breath.

Raise Taxes? Cut Benefits? Or Just Print More Money Yolo!

The options they're throwing around are raising taxes cutting benefits or some horrifying combination of the two. Raise taxes? Oh great let's punish the working class even more! Cut benefits? Perfect let's condemn grandma to a diet of cat food and regret! Look I'm not an economist okay? I just yell at video games for a living. But there's gotta be a better way. Maybe we can just print more money? Seems to be working for everyone else! Yolo right?

The Clock is Ticking and Time is Money Friend!

The article quotes some lady saying that lawmakers are "running out of time." No sh*t Sherlock! We're all running out of time! Every second we spend worrying about this Social Security nonsense is a second we could be spending grinding for gear watching cat videos or arguing with strangers on the internet. Time is money friend! And right now my time is being wasted on this impending financial doom.

We're All Gonna Make It... Right?!

So what's the takeaway here? Social Security is in trouble. Congress is probably gonna screw it up. And we're all potentially doomed to a future of poverty and despair. But hey at least we have each other! And video games! And copious amounts of caffeine! We're all gonna make it... right? Guys? Right?!