Is Trump Intentionally CRASHING the Stock Market?! You Won't BELIEVE What His Advisor Said!

The Dumpster Fire That is the Stock Market

Alright alright settle down chat. Asmongold here ready to dive into another steaming pile of… well you know. This time it's the stock market and apparently it's doing the 'ol free fall. Now normally I wouldn't give a damn about Wall Street… I mean it's all just made up numbers anyway right? But when the President is sharing TikTok videos about intentionally tanking the market you know I have to say something.

Trump Did WHAT Now?!

So get this: Trump our former glorious leader (or whatever) shared a link on Truth Social (his own personal echo chamber) to a video claiming he's crashing the stock market on purpose. Like he's playing 4D chess or something. Apparently this TikTok genius thinks it'll weaken the dollar slash mortgage rates and make YOU rich. Bro if I had a dollar for every time someone promised to make me rich… I'd have like 5 bucks. And I'd probably spend it on a McDouble.

Hassett's Damage Control: Copege?

Then comes Kevin Hassett the White House National Economic Council director doing damage control on ABC's "This Week." He's like "No no guys Trump's not trying to tank the market. He's trying to deliver for American workers!" Okay buddy. Sure. Tell me another one. Sounds like some serious 'copege' to me. Maybe he should've taken a page from the Bald Man's guide to dealing with bad takes. Deny deny deny!

Tariffs and Tears

Of course this whole mess started with Trump's retaliatory tariffs. Remember those? They were supposed to make America great again but instead they sent the stock market into a full blown meltdown. The Dow dropped like a rock the S&P 500 looked like it was trying to break the floor and the Nasdaq? Oh the Nasdaq went full bear market. It's like the economy's saying "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!" Except nobody's entertained.

Global Trade War: A Whole Lotta Drama

All this tariff talk just stokes fears of a global trade war. And you know what happens in a trade war? Everyone loses. Except maybe China because they’re always winning somehow. It's like playing WoW and getting ganked by a rogue every time you try to level. Just relentless never ending economic pain.

So What Do We Do?!

Look I'm not an economist I just play one on the internet. But I can tell you this: when politicians start sharing TikTok videos about crashing the stock market something is definitely messed up. Should you sell everything and live in a tent? I'm not a financial advisor don't listen to me! Just get your affairs in order and always remember the secret ingredient is crime!