Say Hello to My Little Stock Market Crash! Trump's Tariffs Turn the Tables!

First you get the Money then you get the Power!

Listen up you punks! The Don is here to tell you what's what in this crazy stock market. Trump that crazy son of a… well you know… he's shaking things up. U.S. Steel? Up almost 9%! Looks like the big guy is sticking his nose where it don't belong with Nippon Steel huh? He's got them government boys looking into things see if it's on the up and up. This ain't no game of checkers this is chess and I'm the grandmaster ya hear?!

Automakers? More like Auto Losers!

Those chumps at Stellantis and Ford they’re crying the blues. Down six and five percent? What happened? Did they forget to pay their protection money? Trump’s tariffs are hitting them hard no deals in sight. Stellantis Ford GM – they're all getting screwed. Remember what I always say: 'The World Is Yours!' Unless Trump decides it ain't. Then you're screwed.

Tesla: The Future is Electric and Apparently Expensive!

That Musk fella with his fancy electric cars? Even he’s feeling the heat. Tesla down five percent! Some Wall Street chump cut his price target. Says Musk is too cozy with the White House. Politics! It's all a bunch of crap. I say get your hands dirty make some money and who cares who you're friends with? But what I know eh?

Machinery Meltdown!

Caterpillar Terex Paccar – down in the dumps huh? Trump's tariffs got them running scared. Some fancy suits at UBS downgraded them talking about a trade war higher prices. I say you gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet. But what do these suits know? They sit in their fancy offices while I Tony Montana have done all the hard work.

Dollar Tree: A Dark Horse Winner!

Finally some good news! Dollar Tree up six percent! Who woulda thunk it? Some analyst calling them a 'dark horse winner'. Hey even a blind pig finds an acorn every now and then. They're selling cheap crap in the sea of red. Good for them eh?

Banks Bleeding Bitcoin Burning and RH Rebounding?

Banks slipping? Recession talk? That's old news! Morgan Stanley Citi Goldman Sachs – they can all kiss my ass. Bitcoin stocks? A joke! But RH that luxury home furniture joint? Up 15%! A relief bounce after getting hammered last week. See? Even in this crazy market there's always a chance to make some serious coin. You just gotta have the balls to grab it. Now go out there and make some money or I'll send you back to your *censored* country!