Giggity! Tariffs, Vaccines, and Gambling Taxes, Oh My! A Peter Griffin Financial Round-Up

Steel Yourself: Trump's Tariffs Send Stocks Soaring!

Alright folks gather 'round! So apparently this Trump guy you know the one with the...interesting hair? Well he decided to DOUBLE the tariffs on steel! 50%?! Holy crap that's like when Lois finds out I spent our savings on a giant inflatable T Rex! Anyway Cleveland Cliffs went nuts up 26%! Nucor added nearly 11% and Steel Dynamics rose 10%. It's like they won the lottery only instead of winning money they won...more steel. I don't get it but hey who am I to question economics? Remember that time I tried to start my own airline? Yeah that didn't end well.

Cancer Drug Deal? Take My Money! (But Seriously I Don't Have Any)

Now this BioNTech company sounds like something out of a sci fi movie right? They got a sweet deal with Bristol Myers Squibb for some cancer drug. $1.5 BILLION upfront! That's enough to buy like a million chickens! Or maybe just one really fancy chicken. Anyway good for them. Maybe they can use some of that money to invent a pill that makes you never gain weight. You hearin' me science people?!

Moderna's New Vaccine: Get Your Shot and Maybe Some Clam Chowder

Oh boy vaccines. Remember when Brian got rabies? Good times. Anyway Moderna got the FDA approval for their new COVID vaccine for the old folks and the kinda sorta sick folks. Hey anything that keeps you from coughing on my beer is a win in my book! Plus maybe now Lois will finally stop nagging me to get a flu shot. Giggity!

Campbell's Soup: Still Beating Expectations (and My Lunch)

Campbell's eh? They beat expectations! Good for them. I love a good bowl of tomato soup especially when it's paired with a grilled cheese sandwich. Mmm grilled cheese...It reminds me of that time I was on a hunger strike. I lasted like five minutes. Damn you Campbell's for being so delicious!

EV Update: Nio's Moving and Tesla's Losing (Sort Of)

So Nio this electric car company nobody's ever heard of apparently delivered a bunch of cars. Good for them. Meanwhile Elon Musk's Tesla is struggling because the Chinese are eating their lunch. Serves him right for naming his kid something unpronounceable. You know I almost bought a Tesla once but then I realized I couldn't fit a keg in the trunk.

Gambling Blues: Taxes Hit Sports Betting Stocks Harder Than I Hit a Pinata

Uh oh sounds like somebody messed up! Flutter and DraftKings those gambling companies are getting hammered because Illinois decided to raise taxes on sports betting. Serves 'em right! Gambling is for suckers...except when I'm winning of course. Remember that time I bet Cleveland on a baseball game? Yeah that was a mistake...a very expensive mistake.