Bah Humbug! Buffett's Blunder and Streaming Screams!

Buffett's Boner: An Inexcusable Decline!

Blast that Warren Buffett! Berkshire Hathaway a company I once considered acquiring just to fire him personally has seen its shares *fall*. A whole 1%! Preposterous! And operating earnings down? A ghastly 14%! It seems even the Oracle of Omaha is finally succumbing to the inevitable march of time. Smithers remind me to send him a 'Get Well Soon' card filled with glitter and mildly insulting limericks.

Buffett Bows Out: A CEO Carousel

And now this codger Buffett plans to abdicate his throne? By the end of the year if you can believe it! He claims he's handing the reins to some chap named Greg Abel. President and CEO January 1 2026? Bah! Back in my day we didn't need fancy titles. We simply pointed and bellowed and the underlings trembled. Smithers begin compiling a dossier on this 'Abel' fellow. I need to know his weaknesses. Perhaps he has an unnatural fear of puppies?

Trump's Tariff Tantrums: Movie Mayhem!

That bloviating buffoon Trump is at it again! A 100% tariff on movies produced outside the US? As if I care about 'saving' the American movie industry! My only concern is how this affects the bottom line! Streaming companies are already whimpering like puppies! Down 5%? 3%? Such pathetic losses! Smithers remind me to buy low and exploit their misery. Excellent.

Airlines Flailing: Newark Nightmare!

United Airlines cutting flights? Staffing and technology issues? Incompetence! Sheer unadulterated incompetence! If I ran an airline I'd have my employees replaced with robots programmed to respond only to the command 'Excellent'. Although I suppose that's essentially what I do at the power plant already isn't it?

Howard Hughes's Windfall: Ackman's Acquisition!

Ah the sweet scent of a premium. Howard Hughes Holding popped 8% after some rapscallion named Ackman bought a chunk of shares at a hefty price. Good for them I suppose. Although I'm sure I could have negotiated a better deal. Smithers find me a controlling interest in Howard Hughes. I have plans for a giant revolving Burns Manor overlooking Newark.

Odds and Ends: A Motley Crew of Market Movements

Sunoco is acquiring Parkland Wolfspeed is soaring and Loews is... existing. Frankly I find it all dreadfully dull. Wake me when someone's about to go bankrupt. Then and only then will I unleash the hounds!