Hail to the Stocks, Baby! Abercrombie's Got the Goods, GameStop's Gone Crypto Nuts!

Abercrombie's Ass Kicking Fashion Sense

Damn these Abercrombie & Fitch babes are looking good! Their stock jumped 19% after earnings and revenue blew past expectations. Looks like someone's been shopping. But hold on tariffs are gonna hit 'em for $50 million? Sounds like they need Duke to negotiate. I'd make those trade deals come crawling!

Okta? More Like 'Uh Oh ta'

Okta's stock took a dive faster than I can reload my shotgun. Down 14% 'cause they're scared of…macroeconomic uncertainty? Seriously? Come on they need to grow a pair. Maybe they should try kicking ass and chewing bubblegum... and they're all outta gum.

Vail Resorts: He's Back!

Looks like Vail Resorts brought back the big guns! Rob Katz is back as CEO sending their stock soaring over 12%. This is just like when I show up to save the world – someone finally got smart. Time to hit the slopes and leave the alien bastards in the snow. Nobody steals our mountain!

Box's Bombshell Earnings

Box is booming baby! Their stock hit an all time high up 17%! Earnings are up and they're feeling good for the future. They're coming to get some baby! Time to kick ass!

Joby Aviation: Flying High with Toyota!

Joby Aviation is taking off with a 27% jump after Toyota dropped a cool $250 million. Flying cars? Now that's what I call living in the future. If I had one of those I'd never have to deal with traffic again. But I still love drivin'!

GameStop Goes Full Crypto Crazy

What the hell? GameStop bought $500 million worth of Bitcoin? Are they serious? Their stock tanked 11%. Looks like someone's been playing too many video games and not enough with their brains. This is why I don't invest. I just kick ass! Time to make like a tree and get outta here!