Israel-Iran Conflict Sends Markets into Chaos: Oil Rigs Party, Airlines Weep, and I Just Need My Mountain Dew!

Oil's Well That Ends Well (for Some)

Alright alright alright. What in the Sam Hell is going on with these markets? So Israel and Iran are playing the 'who can be more aggressive' game and suddenly oil stocks are doing the Carlton dance. Chevron Exxon ConocoPhillips EOG Resources – they're all up like they just found a legendary drop. Makes sense right? More conflict more oil demand more money for the big guys. Meanwhile I'm just sitting here wondering if my next Mountain Dew is gonna cost me a raid boss level of gold. What a world man.

Gold Bugs Rejoice!

Gold is back baby! Everyone's running to the shiny rocks because well the world's on fire. Newmont SSR Mining VanEck Gold Miners ETF – all up. It's the classic 'safe haven' play. Personally I'd rather hoard Mountain Dew but hey to each their own. It's like when Blizzard releases a new patch and everyone respecs to the flavor of the month. Predictable but profitable I guess.

Lock and Load: Defense Stocks to the Moon!

Of course the real winners are the ones making the boom booms. RTX Northrop Grumman Lockheed Martin L3Harris Technologies – these guys are printing money like the Federal Reserve. More war more weapons more tendies for the shareholders. It's all so tiresome. It's the kind of stuff that makes me want to log off and play some single player games ya know?

Travel Troubles: Airlines and Cruises Sinking Faster Than My Sanity

Oh the irony. While some are profiting from chaos the travel industry is getting absolutely hammered. Carnival Norwegian Cruise Line Royal Caribbean United Delta American Southwest – they're all down. People are too scared to travel and oil prices are spiking. It's a double whammy! You know it's times like these I'm grateful for my streaming setup. No need to travel when I can just yell at a camera from my dungeon.

Tech Tantrums and Furniture Fortunes

Adobe had a good quarter but apparently they didn't grow fast enough! Talk about 'First World Problems'. RH the fancy furniture store somehow pulled a profit out of their ass and their stock went up nearly 20%. Who's buying $5,000 couches when the world's about to end? Rich people that's who. Then there's DraftKings trying to squeeze another 50 cents out of people in Illinois. Greed is good I guess? This whole situation is giving me a headache. Time for another Mountain Dew.

GE Vernova Gets the Boot!

Lastly GE Vernova got downgraded because their stock went up too much in 2023? What kind of stupid reasoning is that? It's like saying you're too good at the game so you have to start playing with one hand tied behind your back. Classic Wall Street I tell ya! Makes you wanna just sell everything and move to the woods doesn't it? But then again who would watch my streams? The struggle is real.