Say Hello to My Little Oil Company! BP's Getting Offers They Can't Refuse!

The World Is Yours... Of Oil!

Listen up you punks! Looks like BP that British Petroleum is shaking in their boots. Word on the street is they're trying to sell off their Castrol business. Castrol you know the stuff that keeps your engines purring like a kitten… or a tiger depending on how much you’re willing to spend. They’re sweating bullets 'cause everyone's looking at them like they’re a plate of Cuban sandwiches at a hunger convention. Seems like everyone wants a piece of this action. They think they can just sell it for chump change. You need money to make money! You think I got where I am by thinking like that?

Crown Jewels and Grease Monkeys

This Castrol thing? Apparently it’s the ‘crown jewel’ of BP. I’m talking about a business that could fetch them between $8 and $10 BILLION! That’s a lot of goddamn clams! You know what I could do with that kind of cash? I’d buy the whole goddamn world! But BP? They're just trying to dodge a takeover. Like trying to hide from me in a phone booth! Good luck with that! They are saying the sale of Castrol is unlikely to substantially affect BP. Is that a joke? How are they going to make money then?

Strategic Reset? More Like Strategic Retreat!

They’re calling it a ‘strategic reset.’ I call it running scared. They’re trying to look all green and eco friendly but really they're just selling off assets left and right. They’re ditching $20 billion worth of stuff by 2027! $20 billion! I could buy half of Miami with that! But this clown Murray Auchincloss the CEO says they’re off to a 'great start'. Sure pal whatever you say. Keep telling yourself that. Maybe someone will believe you.

Debt and Desperation

Some fancy analyst Maurizio Carulli is saying the sale *might* help BP avoid a takeover by lowering their debt. Might? You think selling off your best asset is a *might* solution? You think I deal in *might*? Either you're in or you're in the way! But hey he also says it might be hard to sell Castrol for a good price. Great. So they're screwed either way. I love it! They’re at their 'point of maximum weakness' whatever that means. Sounds like a bunch of fancy talk to me.

Hedge Funds and Headaches

And now this Elliott Management some hedge fund goons is breathing down their neck. They got a piece of BP and now they're probably telling them what to do. Like BP needs more problems! They want BP to go back to oil and gas. Well duh! That's where the real money is! What are they going to do sell wind? What are they trying to be some kind of church of renewables? They need to have balls to go all in.

Is BP on the Right Track? You Need to ask if BP can run?

BP's stock is in the toilet. Everyone's whispering about them getting bought out by Shell Exxon or Chevron. These people look like they don't know what to do with their money. Someone like me can show them how to make money. An analyst from AJ Bell Russ Mould is saying BP needs to prove they can make more money. No kidding Sherlock! He thinks selling Castrol will help. Maybe. Or maybe it's just delaying the inevitable. Either way I’m watching. And you know what I do when I see an opportunity... I take it! So remember all you punks in this country you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money you get the power. Then when you get the power then you get the women.